Complicated

I think I'm falling out of love with my boyfriend of 4 years. At the same time, I'm finding myself increasingly attracted to the best platonic guy friend I've ever had. Who also has a serious relationship. But you know when it just feels like something is going to end up happening... well, it feels like that. Especially the last few weeks. And I hate it. It makes me feel like an awful person.

I always figured this sort of thing would become easier when I got older, but it's just got much more complicated.

S___.
Category Betrayal

advice from Guest3191624 | 06-01-2007 16:42 | E : 6 | S : 0
Do everyone a favor, let go of the BF and tell your friend you're ready to take your relationship in a different direction. My guess is his 'serious relationship' feels like a trap he's desperate to escape.
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advice from Guest3182983 | 05-30-2007 09:52 | E : 5 | S : 0
You are not an awful person, on the contrary you and your friend must see something in each other that isn't being satisfied by the other partners in your lives. It's not either or your fault that you probably met your respective mates before meeting each other - bad timing, that's all. Give in to your feelings, let the BF move on with his life and come clean to your platonic friend. He's probably too afraid to make a move until he knows you will reciprocate. Good luck!
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advice from Guest3186723 | 05-31-2007 09:12 | E : 3 | S : 0
I don't think either of you is doing anything wrong, but it would be wrong to deny your feelings for one another. Assuming you are an adult then a boyfriend of 4 years isn't going anywhere long LONG term either by his choice or yours. Meanwhile, your friend may feel trapped in this serious relationship but would be willing to start a fresh one with you but only if you let him know how you feel. Otherwise, you'll remain frustrated friends and never achieve full happiness. I was in a similar situation and couldn't get over the fact my friend and I were so close. Once she made her move it gave me the strength to end my comfortable but life and loveless relationship. Be happy.
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advice from Guest3203685 | 06-05-2007 09:05 | E : 3 | S : 1
I think he feels the same way as you do but doesn't have the courage to speak up since he's afraid of losing you as a friend, assuming you didn't feel the same way. Men are stupid and need things spelled out, we don't catch the hair-twirling and other tiny signs women give us. These kinds of posts are frustrating because a lot of time women will become friends and say, 'you know, I liked you for other reasons ...' and we're like, 'then why didn't you F______ say something.' Anyway, dismiss the BF and tell the friend that you'll be waiting for him in EVERY respect once he ends the shaky relationship once and for all.
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advice from Guest3287973 | 06-26-2007 09:58 | E : 1 | S : 0
What's the problem, dump the BF and let your friend know that he should dump his woman for you. I'm sure he'll jump at the chance to switch gears with you. People often find themselves in relationships that overstay their welcome simply because you're supposed to go for longevity - meanwhile, the initial attraction has faded away and there's no real spark or even common interests. You'll find in life that you learn to recognize it's better to make a lover out of a friend then vice versa. A converted friend will result in a long and fruitful relationship, whereas a converted BF to friend will yield a loveless relationship that has its moments but no true direction. Do all parties a favor and move on with Plan B. Good Luck!
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advice from Guest3316180 | 07-02-2007 13:31 | E : 0 | S : 0
life's too short not to enjoy it, time for you both to terminate dead relationships and start a fresh new one together. best wishes!
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advice from Guest1297303 | 12-07-2007 14:42 | E : 0 | S : 0
I know how you feel, I'm in the exact same situation, but my friend doesn't have a GF. We get on so well, and sometimes I think maybe things will happen and you feel awful because you don't want to cheat on someone you have had long term feelings for. I hope you sort things out!
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advice from Guest3166277 | 05-25-2007 13:31 | E : 2 | S : 3
sometimes we have 'platonic' friends in whom we confide a great deal, that secrecy is a form of intimacy and we often feeled compelled to build on that relationship and grow it into a physical one. take a break from each other and put some effort into sharing a little more with your boyfriend, if it's meant to happen with your friend then so be it - otherwise, move on, let him move on with his girl, and find someone new. good luck

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advice from Guest3179179 | 05-29-2007 11:00 | E : 0 | S : 1
We do a lot of things in life because we're supposed to - including marriage. Sounds like your friend is trapped in a loveless marriage and afraid to admit his mistake and move on with his life, especially after he probably invested several years into this serious relationship. Be open with your feelings and offer to wait for him with open arms if he's ready. But make it clear that you want to take your relationship to the next level or else he'll continue to fear being alone and/or unable to move on with his love life. Good Luck!
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