Afraid of love and society!

I'm scared to be in public, which my freinds know, becuase of my social anxiety. but what they dont know is that I'm terrified of guys. But I so despritely want a relationship and someone to love, but guys terrified me to the point that I have lock myself in my room and don't go out with my freinds as much and I don't have good social skills becuase I'm too afriad of what everyones thinking, thats why I stutter when I'm nervous and thats also why I have trust issues with freinds! That would probably be why I've never been in a relationship also.


Category General Confession

advice from Guest2361715 | 02-18-2007 23:10 | E : 2 | S : 0
First of all, good on you for getting your friends on your side as you tackle this really hard thing! You know, even having people you can call friends enough to share something like this with shows that you actually have better social skills than you are telling yourself.

What I noticed straight away was that you have decided to own social anxiety. You wrote "my social anxiety". Is this what you think? Something as simple as disowning it can be a step toward it leaving your life forever. Saying to yourself something like "Social anxiety is not my friend, so it is not invited when I go out with my friends" might sound silly but your personal messages to yourself are very powerful things.

You have shown this in your post - one message to yourself is "Everyone is thinking bad things about me". This becomes powerful because you can't disprove it to yourself.

And here's another thing whilst we're talking about deep secrets. EVERYONE gets nervous in social situations. Really and truly. Have you ever asked your friends how they feel when they meet new people, when they go to a new club or bar, when they start a job, when they go to a party where they don't know anyone very well, the list goes on.

And probably somewhere at the top of that list is meeting guys/girls. I put the slash in there because it goes both ways. Guys turn themselves inside out when they are meeting girls as much as it goes the other way. Remembering this is powerful. In your situation, remind yourself that guys are also nervous. Take time to notice little signs that show they are nervous. It makes the game even, and sometimes can give you the upper hand if you think they are actually more nervous than you but are trying really hard not to show it.

Some things I do to overcome my (often debilitating) nerves are:

1. Be easy on yourself

2. Not everyone can be the clown or the life of the party. However your personality is, that is you. Love being you and try to get better at it.

3. Notice the different ways that your friends act in social situations. Some of them will be quiet, some will have an opinion, some will act the fool.

4. Give yourself space and time in social situations. Say something in a conversation when you are ready. When someone talks to you, take time to pause and think before you respond. People like it when you think about what they say - it shows you value the fact that they are giving you attention.

5. Laugh if you stuff up and notice your stuff up out loud. Often if other people notice they feel embarassed for you and will not know how to respond. Take the pressure off them and it takes the pressure off the whole situation.
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advice from Guest821011 | 11-19-2006 22:05 | E : 1 | S : 0
Most people are too wrapped up in themselves to be that invested in you. Instead of worrying about what they think about you, try to put your mind to imagining what their insecurities are and do what you can to put them at ease.
I was somewhat like you many years ago.
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advice from Guest1209129 | 11-19-2006 21:26 | E : 1 | S : 1
it sounds like some major agoraphobia and you should get some psychotherapy to help you with these social problems. You should be able to go out in public without being terrified or locking yourself in your room so you dont see any men. Men can be wonderful friends not just people to date. Start as friends first...one at a time..and you can get there. But, don't be too ashamed to get counseling it is nothing to be ashamed of, it is common to have these fears
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advice from Guest1751086 | 01-02-2007 02:46 | E : 0 | S : 1
What others think is of no consequence.

That being said if you aren't exaggerating you need to seek professional help because you sound like you're having panic attacks.
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advice from Guest2192185 | 02-03-2007 21:42 | E : 0 | S : 2
internet dating
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