Bulimia

I have bulimia and throw up everyday. I have no purpose in life and feel like there's no point in anything i do. I'm ashamed. alone, dissapointed, and hate myself more than ever. I feel i don't deserve anything in my life. I'm a complete mess.

Category Embarrassed

advice from Guest1465340 | 11-16-2007 13:31 | E : 7 | S : 2
i know how you feel because i am going through the same thing. everytime i binge and purge i always tell myself i'll never do it again because i hate how i feel afterwards but its just a vicious cycle i cant control anymore. i just wanted to let you know your not alone. we need help..the both of us. its just a matter of where to go to get it. i feel so embarrassed to even discuss this with my parents its very difficult..maybe we can try 2 motivate eachother to get on the right path..
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advice from Guest1793941 | 12-23-2007 14:47 | E : 3 | S : 0
i don't know you, but i love you. i'm sixteen years old and in the entertainment industry. i've struggled with eating disorders since i was seven. sometimes i'm okay and sometimes i'm not. but you have to keep going. sometimes it feels like the world's going to end but if YOU have the willpower to keep breathing, it won't. get help. you can get better. but you have to get help soon. i'll never be able to have children because of the choices i've made. get help fast.

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advice from Guest1635715 | 12-03-2007 02:17 | E : 2 | S : 0
you are not alone.
there are many of us who suffer in silence as well...
and i feel that one day, it might get better.
this hope is what gets me through the day.
the hope of feeling whole again, and worthwhile.

our weight does not define who we are.
we are more than our reflections in the mirror.

and believe me when i say-
someone cares about you.
very, very much.

i know i do.
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advice from Guest1790615 | 12-16-2007 17:04 | E : 2 | S : 0
I have suffered from a mix of bulimia and anorexia for 15 years. I felt, and still feel, the same way you do. 5 years ago I met a man who touched my heart and that I was honest with, I then spent 5 years pushing him away because I was ashamed of myself, because I didn't feel worthy of him, or his love.. I felt dirty, tainted, and as if I would pollute him.. But he stayed, and he fought me, and he fought WITH me..

3 months ago I married this man.

Today, I still suffer from an eating disorder. I have learned it doesn't make me any less of a person. It doesn't mean I am a leper or that I have no purpose. It means that inside of me there was a part that was empty, that yearned to be touched, noticed - healed. I couldn't heal it alone.. I couldn't even identify it's existence when I was alone... Open your life and you'll find that in time that piece inside you that hurts and feels so alone, will suddenly begin to close.

You are worth it - you just never believed it.
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advice from Guest1891825 | 12-26-2007 12:03 | E : 2 | S : 0
I suffered from a mix of bulimia and anorexia i few years ago. i told one of my best friends. she never forced me to eat, but she would encourage it. she brought me food and asked if i was hungry in front of people so if i said anything others would be suspicious, which she knew i didnt want but she was cool about. she just gave the tiniest bit of advice to give me a push without making me feel forced. she made sure i felt loved, even if only by her. it helped that we needed eachother instead of just me needing her.

i never told my parents. i only told her. one time, i mentioned it to someone else who was going through it but i didnt let it seem serious. anyway, now i am fine. for two years i have been, but i must admit i did consider going back a week ago. but for her and for the pain i knew it would bring, i didnt. she'd know even if i didnt tell her.

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advice from Guest2160126 | 01-24-2008 09:59 | E : 3 | S : 1
Bulimia is the lonliest disease. I have suffered from eating disorders for most of my life. I have found that bulimia was the most lonely and shameful time of my life. It was so secretive, I felt gross, I felt like I had no control, and felt like a "failed anorexic." People thought that I was doing better, because I was no longer anorexic. In reality, I was much sicker with bulimia than when I was anorexic. Anorexia made me feel strong, special, superior, etc.; bulimia did the total opposite. Many people with bulimia suffer in silence, because it is not as apparant as anorexia. Most people with bulimia are at a normal weight or higher. Please get help, find support, and realize that you deserve to get well and live a fulfilling life. You are not the person that bulimia makes you think you are. You are special and loveable.
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advice from Guest1989506 | 01-06-2008 17:18 | E : 1 | S : 0
I used to be like that, every day for 4 years, sometimes twice a day. Heres a copy of a post I wrote in a recovery forum, hope it helps.
I am fully recovered five months now, after four years of anorexia and bulimia, and its better than I could have ever imagined. You know how life before your ed feels like some movie you half remember watching when you were a kid? Well it is possible to get that life back. I no longer struggle and food is now simple a backdrop in my life which is so full of more important and more fun things.

There are two major points which I can identify as helping me with my recovery and I would recommend these as starting points.
Number One: You have to gain some weight! Not a lot, in fact if its too scary for you to aim for a healthy weight range right now thats okay. But get close, get as close as you can. Being underweight effects the way you think, I remember at my lowest I thought everyone else in the world was gigantic!! It only serves to make recovery seem more difficult than it is.
Also you need a reasonable weight to be able to function at your best in everyday life. You want keep your real life going so you have something to go back to and concentrate on when you recover.

Number Two: Do find someone, find someone who is willing to try and help without forcing you into anything. I went through three therapists and two doctors before finding the eating disorder councellor who helped me. I didn't want to visit her regularly, but everytime I felt I was getting worse or going through a particularly bad patch she helped steer me away from the slipperiest slopes.

Another thing which I think really helped me was slowly building up a routine. Even if I had binged the day before, even if I knew I was going to binge in the evening, I still had a breakfast every morning. Slowly I built this up to breakfast and lunch, fighting through the guilt and shame of binging and eating normally, petrified that I was going to gain weight. But over time the magnitude and frequency of my binges began to decrease. The routine meant that I was even able to fit a little normality into the first half of my day. Eventually I was able to build in a dinner and supper, the routine took over and there was no room left for binges.
The thing about my routine is it is designed to maintain my weight. If I spend a lot of time walking one day I will then eat slightly more, or maybe have pasta ^_^. If I'm having a lazy day I use less milk in my coffee.

As regards the media and all their food balancing acts and plans for perfection. Forget them and their stupid stupid rules!!! You know what you like, and you know what you need. I personally just don't like meat, so I have milk. Milk with all my cereal,coffees and teas and whenever I'm making soup. And sometimes I get hungry after eight in the evening, so I eat, usually popcorn. Every week or so I just feel like chocolate so I get some, and not that silly low fat kind that would leave me disappointed, I love cadburys curly wurlys. Its not especially fatty but its delicious.

Anyways sorry if I've gone a lil overboard here, its the first time I've really talked about being recovered and I'm just hoping I can help someone else.

And heres the real kicker (aside:I don't really talk like this, I'm just very bad at explaining myself), when I recovered i was just above the lower limit for the healthy weight range for my height, and since then I havent gained any weight at all!! As well as that my skin and hair are much nicer, and I have soooo much money from not binging. I can even afford holidays abroad now.

I hope some of this has helped. Feel free to ask me any questions. Best of luck to all of you.
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advice from Guest2044199 | 01-11-2008 16:44 | E : 1 | S : 0
Babe, I have no idea who you are, or how it feels to be bulimic, but I love you and you deserve to be on this Earth as much as everyone else! 4 of my best friends have Eating Disorders, so I know how your peers around you worry, so please try your hardest to get better. I know you can do it.
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advice from Guest2082927 | 01-15-2008 18:57 | E : 1 | S : 0
I went through something similar for 3 years until I got help.
There IS a way to feel better, but you need to talk to someone. Don't be ashamed because you are NOT alone, and you are not worthless.
I promise that talking to someone will make it better.
And has others have said, I love you. I don't know you, but I love you. And I mean this from the heart.
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advice from Guest2197403 | 01-28-2008 17:03 | E : 1 | S : 0
I understand the pain and trials that you all are facing. I was happy with the way I was until I started making myself throw up. I have lost the weight and am more confident then ever but it makes me sad inside that i would do that to myself. im slowly killing myself in ways i thought not possible. it is a vicous cycle that we cant break because we feel as if we are in control. the day that we can stand up and tell ourselves we are beautiful the way we are is the day that you wont throw up anymore. stay strong and remind yourself that you are a beautiful person regardless of what the world thinks.
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advice from Guest1473547 | 11-17-2007 03:59 | E : 0 | S : 0
I don't know you, but I love you. I am going through it too. It's been 7 months since I last purged. I'm going though therapy, but I really wish that someone else could live my life for me. I'm not good at it. I've made such a mess of everything. Be carful, I have longterm problems with my health. Best of luck to you.
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advice from Guest1524983 | 11-22-2007 07:13 | E : 0 | S : 0
I Love you , i may never meet you and i will never know you but i must tell you that i Love you

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advice from Guest1653520 | 12-04-2007 15:24 | E : 0 | S : 0
when ur life is going wrong, don't turn to the commode and throw ur food up. okay? please just talk to someone about all this. it will help u. trust me. ive done it before. and i got help by talking to the one person that i trusted and taht i knew would listen.
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advice from Guest1667714 | 12-05-2007 22:15 | E : 0 | S : 0
If you don't feel comfortable enough to actually talk to someone about it, write your feelings down on a piece of paper and then burn it. It helped me.
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advice from Guest1731773 | 12-11-2007 04:15 | E : 0 | S : 0
Don't think that. Everyone has a purpose in life, they just have to find it.
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advice from Guest1788968 | 12-16-2007 13:23 | E : 1 | S : 1
I only wish I knew you darlin, or that if I do know you, that I knew your secret. I know with all my heart that you deserve love and care, and a full, happy, life. I will fight for you, I will, but first you have to confide in me. If the first person you talk to turns out to be a disapointment, than try again, please, try again, because that person was not me. I love you and I want to help you, so please, I know it's hard, but by putting this out into the world you have already taken the first step. Talk to me love.
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advice from Guest1793300 | 12-16-2007 22:03 | E : 0 | S : 0
I am going through it as well. I actually came to this site to post something about my bulimia. I am in so much pain, I am crying as I write this. I have so much hostility towards my mom because she is the only person I have told. She "tried" to help me for like a day and then went food shopping. She said to me a few days later look at all the great stuff i got you. All the stuff was frozen pizza and ice cream; I just want to yell what the f___ is wrong with you mom?! I can't stop! It has been five years; sometimes I just want to die so I don't have to think about food.
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advice from Guest1801835 | 12-17-2007 18:15 | E : 0 | S : 0
i know how you feel. i am going through the same thing.
i used to purge 2-4 times a day. now i am trying to overcome all of this, but its not working out too well. i have only purged twice in a week and right now it is really depressing me. i went to the doctors today, and i gained 12 pounds. i've been crying all day and i know i cant go on like this. mabey i will have to go back to my old habits. i would rather be bulimic and skinny than healthy and miserable. i dont know. all i know is that its going to take me a long time to get better. i just wanted you to know that your not alone... & if you ever need someone to talk to about all this, you can message me, that goes to anyone, we can make it through this together.

[moderated email and web url removed]
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advice from Guest1837698 | 12-20-2007 17:25 | E : 0 | S : 0
i felt the saem way you did not so long ago. and right now i couldnt be happier, i'm the healthiest i've been in four years. you can get better, and you will. you're not fighting alone.

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
Buddha
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advice from Guest1841721 | 12-21-2007 03:32 | E : 1 | S : 1
Take control NOW. You are here for one life only and YOU must make your life happen. Why should you live unhappily while others are rich, happy, having fun, feeling great? Get out there and make it happen. Be a leader, not a follower...
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advice from Guest1864146 | 12-23-2007 14:11 | E : 0 | S : 0
don't give up ! XXX

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advice from Guest1908951 | 12-27-2007 23:38 | E : 0 | S : 0
Hon, I'm here for you. Stay strong, I know you'll make it through. I know how tough it is, but listen to me; these things take time. Take little steps. Every time you want to purge and don't, take it as a miracle. If you do purge, forgive yourself. You can do it. And you deserve to live; remember that, ok? No matter what, you deserve to live. You are a beautiful person, and you can do this.
(Look up fat and ugly to see my confession)
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advice from Guest1933320 | 12-31-2007 00:40 | E : 0 | S : 0
please just believe in yourself.
i do,
we all do.
you may feel as though you dont deserve life, but life deserves you.
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advice from Guest1934009 | 12-31-2007 04:55 | E : 0 | S : 0
That is not true. You are going to miss out on so much. Please don't go away.
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advice from Guest1967015 | 01-04-2008 07:41 | E : 0 | S : 0
i love you. i don't know who you are, but i do.i know how it feels to feel like no one is there & your world is crashing in because you can't stop & fight the one thing that you want to so bad. but please remember SOMEONE cares. look at all these people. i love you. please dont stop fighting.
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advice from Guest1981251 | 01-05-2008 22:32 | E : 0 | S : 0
I dealt with anorexia and bulimia for nearly 10 years. My main issue was that i never appreciated who I was or my body, and the people closest to me didnt seem to care either. There are only 2 things that helped, having my children and making art. It gave me an appreciation for my body, a purpose for my life.

I still have days when life is cold, dark winter day or when I feel like I am being compared to everyone on a superficial scale which makes me incredibly insecure and self consious. When my stress from work, marrige and family seems endless but I have learned to cope

Please find a way to help yourself. You are worth it.
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advice from Guest1987637 | 01-06-2008 13:36 | E : 0 | S : 0
You shouldn't be ashamed because you need help. I should be because I get one and hating it. I never wanted to be healthy.
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advice from Guest1987892 | 01-06-2008 14:03 | E : 0 | S : 0
~I would like i could do something of extraordinary, but I would advice you to go to a psicholog, these people helps us a lot, in spit of i dont know you, but you should eat, there r many ppl in africa and i dont know where that need food..... plse eat and talk with the most friendly person you trust
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advice from Guest2002919 | 01-07-2008 21:47 | E : 0 | S : 0
i don't know what to do. i lost my true self! i am miserable. I told myself i'd never let it get out of hand or this far, and i try to stop, i really do, and i cant tell anyone i am ashamed of myself. i am completely ashamed. each day i say is my last time, but then i eat something, feel bad about it, and just eat a lot more so i can purge. i wish i would stop i dont even know why i do it anymore im scared and im not happy. i want to be old and married to a fat man already so i wont have to ever worry about my weight again. i wish everything wasnt about loosing weight. i wish i never did this. i wish i wasnt so dumb..
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advice from Guest2081121 | 01-15-2008 15:19 | E : 0 | S : 0
You deserve everything in life. Hang in there and find help now. Love yourself and respect yourself enough to get the help you need.

Love,
H
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advice from Guest2092147 | 01-16-2008 19:55 | E : 0 | S : 0
I think you should try to put your life back together. I went though something very similar to this where I was also bulimic and very depressed. But I had to find what made me happy in the world and find my calling. So I think that's what you should try to do. Try to stop throwing up if you can on your own and if you can't then I think you should get some help from someone because it's really not good. I still have lasting effects from when I was bulimic. It's really not good. Just remember that there are always going to be people better then you and worse then you and you have to find your own place in this world that works for you and no one else. Best of Luck!
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advice from Guest2138914 | 01-21-2008 11:02 | E : 0 | S : 0
Hello, I can help you with a sense of purpose. You can download a free audio series on visualization at [moderated : website removed - sorry]. It will help you visualize different outcomes. I wish you success. I also suggest you get a copy of the book Psycho-Cybernetics.
Cheers.
Randy
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advice from Guest2148641 | 01-22-2008 17:03 | E : 0 | S : 0
i'm bulimic too
i'm the luckiest person i now
and i still don't know how to appreciate anything
i have everything i want
and more
and it's just there
the only thing i've learned to value is friendship
i hate myself
i hate mirrors
i don't understand why i know that i will ever have something that maters in my life
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advice from Guest2256858 | 02-04-2008 14:00 | E : 0 | S : 0
I'm also bulimic, we're messy and a mess but we live and deserve to learn the lesson we're meant to.
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advice from Guest2285329 | 02-07-2008 19:50 | E : 0 | S : 0
you are not alone sweetie. i also have bulimia and i am 14 years of age. i used to be over weight, and when my dad started criticizing me calling me fat ass and other rude names i started making myself throw up. it made me lose 20 pounds but i still feel like crap. sometimes i want to crawl in a hole and die, but the only person that can change us and get help is ourselves.
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advice from Guest2305064 | 02-10-2008 01:14 | E : 0 | S : 0
no one, and i mean no one, is worthless. I know you probably dont believe that a stranger could care, but i really do. please keep fighting. please keep believing. you CAN change, and you CAN get over this.
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advice from Guest2310065 | 02-10-2008 14:12 | E : 0 | S : 0
you. are. beautiful.

everything will be much easier once you realize that's true.

i promise it's true.
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advice from Guest2336314 | 02-13-2008 12:48 | E : 0 | S : 0
No need to feel as thow life has no meaning , you may not see it today but life is a great thing
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advice from Guest2356857 | 02-15-2008 22:48 | E : 0 | S : 0
I do too, it's a matter of truly admitting to yourself that what you do is wrong. I wont seek help because there's still a part of me that wants to purge, that needs that crutch to lean on. At least you know in your heart of hearts it's wrong, please get help. Please be stronger than me!
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advice from Guest2373286 | 02-17-2008 22:50 | E : 0 | S : 0
Have you tried to talk to anyone about it? Not just a doctor, even a friend, family member, or clergy person? Also, I encourage you to log onto dailystrength.org, it's an online support community where you can "talk" to others with your problem. Remember that you CAN improve yourself and your health, just as long as you never give up.
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advice from Guest2396591 | 02-19-2008 17:28 | E : 1 | S : 1
i have forever tried to lose weight through exercise but it has never worked. i recently started throwing up right away after every mean plus im taking diet pilss...i'm losing weight and i love the way it feels to be able to eat n throw it up and feel full knowing i have nothing inside of me. i'm an athlete and i hate to admit it but i want to be skinny, i want my ribs to be visible...i know it sounds bad but i have always been the fat one no matter how hard or how much i work out. i thin bulimia is a blessing in disguise...
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advice from Guest2429215 | 02-22-2008 16:38 | E : 0 | S : 0
Ive been bulimic for a long time now.
Will never stop.
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advice from Guest2453021 | 02-25-2008 10:17 | E : 0 | S : 0
You need someone to talk to?
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advice from Guest1782205 | 02-26-2008 22:15 | E : 0 | S : 0
i suffered from anorexia myself. i know this sounds like the last thing you'll ever want to do, but reach out to someone and ask for the help you need. it hurts, but it helps. we all have to stick together in this. you're in my prayers, and you have a friend in me even though we may never meet. <3
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advice from Guest2479333 | 02-27-2008 17:40 | E : 0 | S : 0
all of you who suffer from this i'm so sorry that you have to go through that are i don't care what you look like or what you do with your time you are incredibly beautiful. You have parts of your hearts that are so beautiful and you're hurting yourself. Please seek help somewhere becuase you are so beautiful and you have so much going to for whether you believe that or not i dont even know you and I am 100% convinced that it is true. Please realize how amazing you are and what great qualities you have and all the potential that you have inside of you! You can do so much in this world dont let this hold you back!
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advice from Guest2488527 | 02-28-2008 19:46 | E : 0 | S : 0
i know whta ya going through, i suffered bulimia and still have the same thoughts today... go see your doctor they can help. if nobody knows they cant help you.. good luck x
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advice from Guest2757332 | 03-25-2008 22:43 | E : 0 | S : 0
I was doing good by not throwing up for 9 months after a 9 month cycle of bulimia.
I was attracting positive things in to my life. Wonderful things, amazing things started happening. BUT...
One time I had "bad" food, I only ate food that nourished my body, I have not been able to kick this addictive habit. I am addicted to food and I did not throw up for about two months. Then I started again, I am so upset. Last time almost killed me, took almost 7 months of everyday torture to get the bowels on somewhat of a track. I started because I am scared to start my life. That is the truth.
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advice from Guest1492182 | 11-19-2007 02:26 | E : 0 | S : 1
I know exactly how you feel. You are NOT alone, and honey, you are loved.
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advice from Guest1746834 | 12-12-2007 15:56 | E : 0 | S : 1
i know how u feel dont ever give up tho u r loved tlk 2 sopme1 any1 things can always get better
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advice from Guest1914362 | 12-28-2007 15:39 | E : 0 | S : 1
no matter whut anyone says , people go threw this kinda stuff alot . ppl on ehre always tell you that they love you and stuff . but i think its true . we all have to live on one planet , and i care fer every single person . except brenden myhill but thats a different story . trust me . yer worth way to much to do this to yerself .

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advice from Guest2090968 | 01-16-2008 16:54 | E : 0 | S : 1
honestly i feel exactly the same way. i feel lik there is no point in my life. and i dont kno wat to do about it. i hate my life.
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advice from Guest2156328 | 01-23-2008 20:35 | E : 0 | S : 2
get help!!!!!!!
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advice from Guest1988621 | 01-06-2008 15:37 | E : 3 | S : 6
Get on your knees and give it all up to God. He cares for you and loves you. He desires for you not to pain.... He wants you and He wants to take care of you. Come before Him. You aren't a mess in God's eyes......... you aren't alone....... and in Him..... you will not find shame or disappointment...... please seek Him.
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advice from Guest2037118 | 01-10-2008 22:08 | E : 1 | S : 4
It may be hard for you to believe, but God loves you too. He'll Love you no matter what you become, because he made you. He wants you to ask him for help now more than ever. Through these hardships, your suppose to ask questions, "where's God now? i need him." He will find you in admist all your troubles, in ways that are discreet. Keep your eyes open because he may already have found you. I hope you find haven in Gods arms. Im 15. Im not some 40 year old that doesnt know what they are talking about. Take my advice, itll only take 30 seconds of faith and question, and i am %200 sure he'll find you. Theres no loss in asking. The love of God has put me through everything. Without him, im nothing.
Although your a complete stranger, I love you, don't do this to yourself.
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advice from Guest2209527 | 01-30-2008 00:10 | E : 1 | S : 4
I will be praying for you...
God loves you.
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