death

im 16 and my grandmother died about a year ago. she loved me so much and i never acted like i gave a s___. right before she died i had the oppurtunity to see her but i chose not to because i dìdnt want to leave my boyfriend at the time and i thought i would have the rest of my life to tell her how much i loved her, but now i feel like she hates me because i feel that even though shes dead she is hurting because of me and every day for the past year i lìve with that guilt. so to apologize to her, i spend as much time as possible telling people how much i love them and to avoid the same mistake. before she died, she just wanted to hear me say i love you grammie, but i didnt do that either. i would trade my entire life for one moment to say i love you and im sorry.
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advice from Guest821011 | 03-24-2007 03:47 | E : 2 | S : 0
She would never want her memory to haunt you like this. It's nice that you are honoring her like that.
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advice from Guest2741804 | 04-02-2007 18:45 | E : 1 | S : 0
we all make mistakes. you learned from your mistake and wont do it again. its beautiful and im sure she would be proud of you if she knew how much you learned from the loss of her.
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advice from Guest2723353 | 03-31-2007 18:27 | E : 0 | S : 0
I know what you're going through, sort of. I never spent time with my grandmother, and she was killed in Feb. in a car accident.

She wouldnt want you to think that.
She was a teenager at one time.

Good luck.
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advice from Guest2733793 | 04-02-2007 02:32 | E : 0 | S : 0
mine lay dying less than a hundred metres from me and i made no effort to see her. but then i was the only member of her family to visit her when she lay in state. you made a mistake as long as you learn from it then karma is in balance. move on in peace.and tell her when you see her in your next cycle. Muzza
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advice from Guest2735120 | 04-02-2007 05:54 | E : 0 | S : 0
She would want you to be happy and live your life to the full and not to waste a minute. I miss my nan too but I know that she would want me to be happy and to remember her with love and know that she loved you. We all do things we regret but She knew in her heart how you felt and wouldn't want you to beat yourself up over it. So remeber her with love and thanks that you had such a wonderful person in your life.
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advice from Guest2739806 | 04-02-2007 14:35 | E : 0 | S : 0
if she's your grandma, she already knew you loved her.
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advice from Guest2740944 | 04-02-2007 16:57 | E : 0 | S : 0
im 13 and im going thru that same thing but its been 2 years and my grandfather- when he died i feel like he hates me beacuse i didnt stay with him i thought that same thing and i cant get it outta my head cuz i NEVER said i love you to him for 4 years and i thought i had more time 2 say it to him- i didnt and i think of commitin suicide cuz of it
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advice from Guest2810461 | 04-09-2007 15:07 | E : 0 | S : 0
People make mistakes.. she knows your sorry and she would want you to let it go..

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advice from Guest3020134 | 04-29-2007 03:22 | E : 0 | S : 0
believe e she knows u love her

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advice from Guest3031764 | 04-30-2007 12:23 | E : 0 | S : 0
I went through the same thing. Last fall my Gammy died. She had alzheimer's and had been in the hospital for about 6 years. I went and saw her all the time. In fact, I think I was the only grandchild to do so. I was there when her last rites were read to her, and I was at her funeral.....but I left early to go spend the night and the next day with my boyfriend. I missed the burial, and now I don't even know where exactly she is buried, so I can't go see her. I wish I would have gone to her burial instead of going to see him. I had all the time I wanted to be with him, but not with her. But I know she loves me and she knows I love her. And a comment below mine is true.....They were teenagers once too......they surely understand and aren't holding a grudge against us...Its good that you are making up for it by telling everyone how much they mean to you now, though..........

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advice from Guest2993605 | 05-06-2007 23:44 | E : 0 | S : 0
That post truly made me cry. My cousin passed away two years ago, I was very close to her when I was young, but my older sisters and her got into some problems so I turned against her. I apologize to her constantly for it, it kills me. A month ago my boyfriend and I were sleeping on the phone, (he had no idea that I regretted anything) and he was making awful noises, I woke him but figuring he was having a nightmare and he asked what she looked like. I asked why and he described her, even her laugh which i never told him about, but that laugh, anyone who has heard it knows its one of a kind! He then told me a girl in his dream said she was her and she said to tell me not to worry about it and id know what she meant. Instant tears came to my eyes. He asked me if ive been apologizing to her for anything i said yes he said to stop she forgives me. I'm sure your grandma forgives you too. She wouldnt want you to be hurt from her memory, but to rejoice for the fact that she is at home, in heaven, and one day you too will be there with her with no sorrow

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advice from Guest3106916 | 05-10-2007 12:56 | E : 0 | S : 0
Surely she knows that you loved her.

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advice from Guest3118274 | 05-13-2007 08:41 | E : 0 | S : 0
I almost cried when I read this. I love my grandma, but I don't spend that much time with her. Thank you for opening my eyes. She would not want you to think like this.

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advice from Guest3208745 | 06-07-2007 15:48 | E : 0 | S : 0
My grandmother passed away when I was only 15. I loved her with all my heart, but she was slowly dying of cancer and I couldnt bear seeing her. The night before she passed away I went into her room for as little as I could even tho we all knew she wouldnt live much longer. I still miss her and think of her, but let some of that saddness go, smile, and improve. Thats all u can do and Im sure it would make her happy knowing ur trying to become a really good person.
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advice from Guest3271948 | 07-05-2007 10:52 | E : 0 | S : 0
she doesn't hate you. no way. Just learn from the experince and feel no guilt. Forgive yourself, for there is nothing to forgive in her eyes now. She is at peace.
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advice from Guest886884 | 09-09-2007 23:06 | E : 0 | S : 0
Write Grandma a letter, tell her everything. She would not want you to beat yourself up, she loved you. Live your life, use her as a reason to make the most of it. Make her proud. And while it's nice to "tell" everyone you love them, realize that love should be a verb! Show them by first being the best person you can!
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advice from Guest2794726 | 04-07-2007 17:43 | E : 0 | S : 1
Sometimes guilt is a good thing, it pricks us and tells us when we've done wrong. And if it spurs you to do better, it is doing what it should do. I think the people who say guilt is bad forget this important part of it. If you just stewed in your guilt, that would be bad. You must use it to do better, and you are doing that. Your grandmother would not only understand the temperamental swings of a teenager, she would be proud that you're trying to do better. I'm sure she was sad, but from her more mature point of view she also understood. Keep up the good work, and remember to treat the people you love with as much respect and good manners as you do the UPS man and the bank teller. You never know when you might lose them.
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advice from Guest3109701 | 05-11-2007 08:46 | E : 0 | S : 1
you did hurt her and it was very hurtful and dumb on your part....family first....

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advice from Guest3109701 | 05-11-2007 08:49 | E : 0 | S : 1
if your boyfriend was even worth the time he wouldn't have let you pick him....he would have been right there with you....I would never do that and I'm married!! I'm sure she knew you loved her but so should he....you're both losers and deserve eachother!

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advice from Guest2858697 | 04-14-2007 00:35 | E : 0 | S : 2
its a sad.sad thing that you couldnt find it in you to tell her that you loved her, three simple words and a life time of regrets . at least you have now learnt the value of life.

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advice from Guest2737585 | 04-02-2007 10:35 | E : 0 | S : 9
i would have never picked my boyfriend over my grammie.
sorry no help.
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