engaged..yet in love with someone else

i'm engaged to a great guy. but have been secretly talking to other guys.first i've been having doubts bout getting married to him cause i have doubts on whether he's the husband i want. but i have meet these great guys..and i think i may be falling in love with one of them. he's so perfect for me and what i want in a husband/friend and i want to be w/him so badly it hurts. i know i shouldnt leave my fiancee dragging him like that and keep him dedacated to me when i'm not doing the same.so what should i do? i'm so confused.
Category Romance

advice from Guest968491 | 09-18-2007 13:27 | E : 13 | S : 4
Im a guy in the same situation been engaged for 2 years, all started at a shaky period of my life and now that im stable.. i've been thinking about what i really want my wife to be like.. fiancee is a great person, shes sweet and loves me to death but shes a little too high maintinance and materialistic for me..plus the fam didnt completely accept her. i bumped into a girl who took my breath away since hello and i been thinking about her ever since.. I struck up small talk and she seems to be intrested too... but before stepping things up..whats the easiest way to end things with a head over heels fiancee?
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advice from Guest1875263 | 01-11-2007 02:16 | E : 6 | S : 0
Unfortunately I also have the same question. I was very happy with my man without question. Then after a year or more of being engaged, I met this guy by chance and he made me wonder if I was with the right person, because he seems so, even eerily, great for me. I never did anything about it, avoided him like the plague actually, except for work, which we can mostly do by phone. Just when I thought I'd shaken it, I saw him again last month by chance, but he didn't see me. It was very odd experience. He was literally five feet in front of me, but I had my street clothes on (not work clothes) and he wasn't wearing his glasses. The best analogy is that for a moment, like a hummingbird, he paused and looked at me, then flew off again.It put him right back in my thoughts. That moment felt like magic, or some kind of test or message? Then I saw him at a meeting a few days back. After that meeting, he wanted to talk. We were talking about work, then out of the blue he started asking me all these questions, like was I married and so forth. He started to list all the reasons we seemed to be so great together. I don't know if he was asking for dating advice or telling me subtly that he wanted me. It seemed he just picked up on the conversation I've wanted to have with him for almost a year. I didn't tell him how I felt - I am very confused anyway. I am not sure, but I think he is really holding me up since last year even. I can't seem to commit to a wedding date, and it's been over 2 years now total. I wasn't in such a rush to begin with, but I thought it would have happened by now.Like I said, I felt very happy with my fiance before meeting him, and even after meeting him, keeping my feelings in check, I was okay. Now I feel have to break it off with my fiance altogether regardless of anything else that happens in my life. Or should I just go ahead and see this as a normal life challenge that any couple will face (we've been together almost seven years total)? So I guess this sucks as advice, but you have my sympathies. I have no one to talk to about this, I feel very tormented. Will someone out there call me a jerk please so I can get over myself?
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advice from Guest1217620 | 11-29-2006 22:28 | E : 7 | S : 2
sounds like your not confused, your just scared of hurting him, which is VERY understandable.
Think of it this way... If you get married, you will be miserable and may even cheat on him, this would be the worst case scenario. but if you end it with him now, even if you don't have someone waiting to take his place, he will be better off in the long run.
You don't want to finally do it years down the track with kids and look back and think 'I really should have done it then, when I had only me to think of'.
Good luck. It is the hardest thing, I know, BUT...
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advice from Guest2993605 | 05-22-2007 05:23 | E : 6 | S : 2
For the woman who are thinking of other men and are engaged~ Everyone gets cold feet.. gets that feeling running through their viens when they realize they have found *thee* man they will be with forever. They start to wonder.. how do I *REALLY* know he's the one? what if I'm making this HUGE mistake? and then the oh so famous "Oh no, I'll never sleep with another man again"!.. It's completely normal.. just step back and think about why you said yes when he asked you. Ask yourself.. is this just cold feet, or do I need to end it? Listen to your heart and you'll find your answer.
For those of you who have been cheating.. Stop being so selfish! Women like you are the reason men cheat!! They are good guys, that wouldn't ever cheat, that would give their woman everything they need.. then after about 100 times of getting walked all over and cheated on they give up. They turn into that jerk they've been left for over and over. They don't trust anyone they're with, therefore seem controlling. They end up suspecting the person they're with constantly, and end up doing it themself to "make it evan".. You women cry and complain about wanting mr.perfect... and you get him and what do you do? turn him into the exact man you wanted to get away from.. Shame
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advice from Guest1999077 | 01-07-2008 17:51 | E : 5 | S : 1
i am in the same situation i am in love with my ex and he loves me as well but im engaged and the man im engaged 2 is deeply in love with me but im so scared of dissapointing him as well as his family i dont know what 2 do i am not in love with him but i do love him and have feelings for him!!!!
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advice from Guest2570713 | 03-30-2007 15:17 | E : 4 | S : 1
WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND ..BUT REMEMBER BE HAPPY IF YOUR NOT HAPPY LEAVE AND MOVE ON BUT REMEMBER SOME GUYS WILL TAKE YOU FROM UR MAN AND ONCE THEY DO THAT THEY LEAVE YOU BECAUSE THEY GOT WHAT THEY WANTED BECAREFUL
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advice from Guest2740666 | 04-02-2007 16:32 | E : 5 | S : 2
Don't be a b____ end with the fiancee now don't hurt the innocent you will cheat why wreck his life to, you will never make it work with him if this is the way you think now, get a life?
It wont get better with him if this is way you are thinking.
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advice from Guest1751086 | 01-02-2007 01:51 | E : 2 | S : 0
Leave your finance or be with him, don't hurt him by cheating.
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advice from Guest1855360 | 01-09-2007 15:46 | E : 4 | S : 2
I was so surprised when I found this site and your 'situation'. I am going through the same exact thing. So I know how you feel. I don't want to leave my fiance, I love him so much, but I am having all these doubts what does that say about our relationship in the first place. I am scared of hurting my fiance, scared of being alone...just scared.
Respectable thing to do: leave your fiance, even if this means hurting him, you....and maybe even others. A miserable marriage would be far worse to endure.
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advice from Guest2679169 | 03-26-2007 15:24 | E : 4 | S : 2
i must admit that i've really outdone all of you, and have actually gone ahead and kissed another guy who is actually a friend. the biggest problem is that i love my boyfriend. we've had a very rewarding relationship for 3 years. he's everything that i want in a man, and more. the problem is, he's away nearly 6 months out the year. he constantly overseas. to make matters worse, i've had a death in the family, another family member has fallen ill, and the list goes on. i've rescently had very strong sexual urges... i've tried pleasuring myself, engaging in friendships, and physical sports and activities. i truly felt the desire to let go and just go with the flow. now i've gone ahead and kissed my friend while my boyfriend is away. i know this is no excuse for my actions, but i just felt so alone and wanted to be held and touched. this 'friend' and i have always had a quirky friendship and because he's a friend there's a huge amount of comfort and trust. i feel awful and want my boyfriend to come home. i'm so afraid that he'll leave me, and i feel like i've made a mistake, i've taken it too far. am i a terrible person unworthy of love?
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advice from Guest2769569 | 04-04-2007 23:13 | E : 6 | S : 8
End it with your fiance and stop being so selfish.
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advice from Guest2192185 | 02-03-2007 21:39 | E : 6 | S : 32
The women who cheated- your problem is: you don't care about anyone other than yourself. YOu dont care about giving women a bad name, you don't care about the people who love you. you just love yourself. Sad. I'd hate to be like that, i feel sorry for you. Pray i guess, that you'll learn to love others... real love...
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