everone thinks that i lied about the abuse

My stepfather abused me as a child and I told my aunt and she said I lied. 40yrs later it still hurts that no one believed me.Why didnt my mother protect me ?????
Category Betrayal

advice from Guest2237970 | 02-02-2008 07:28 | E : 1 | S : 0
b/c sometimes mothers are blind i guess. my mother didn't protect me either. she apparently "never knew." i believe she turned a subconscious blind-eye.


about 2 years ago, we were watching a talk-show about children *now adults* that were molested, and my mom said, "gosh how can these parents not know?! there are signs! how could they do that to their children, didn't they see the signs?!"
and i glared at her, remembering that she once admitted to remembering seeing blood in my underwear when i was a young girl, and that when anyone, ANYONE would come near me and i even thought that they would touch me, i would start screaming and crying and not stop until they were far enough away for my comfort. and i told her, "sometimes the signs aren't noticed or ignored.
when she one day, previous years to this, told me about my "bad" behavior as a child, she said she figured i was just being a bad child, a brat, if you will....and she never even made slight mention of what it could have been. and then she has the gall to look me in the eyes and complain about other parents.

it wasn't until a few years later when she asked me a weird question, she asked if i had ever been molested as a child. just out of the blue like that.

i knew she couldn't handle the truth, it would hurt her too much to know she had never protected me, so i looked her in the eyes and said some vague answer, not admitting, not denying. and she just looked satisfied enough, but there was a knowing look in her eyes.


no one would have believed me either, i was the "problem child." at least you had the courage to try to speak up. the pain never goes away, but you can find comfort in others...i wish i could be there with you. i do.

stay strong, please. just stay strong and don't let them win. you were strong as a child, and you are even stronger now. find a support group in your area, look in google, maybe find a woman's clinic/group in the area and see if they have a support group or some sort of therapy there. at least you won't be alone.

i wish you the best. never give up.
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advice from Guest2247904 | 02-03-2008 14:25 | E : 1 | S : 0
i believ u...be to others,what u expected others to be for u.. being abused as a child is the worst thing ever...but try to be strong.. u r not alone...i was abused too...and i didnt hav the courage to even tell anyone and now my mind jus blocked it off and i keep having constant memory lapses...ur luckier..
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advice from Guest898623 | 02-03-2008 16:09 | E : 1 | S : 0
She may not have wanted to face the truth- but listen: Some women jut have their priorities screwed up. Not every woman should be a mother- BUT IT WASN'T BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T WORTH PROTECTING. YOUR MOM F'ED UP!!! So don't you stand there feeling ashamed of yourself- the people assigned to protect you FAILED and when they face GOD...well, I'd hate to be them, that's all. Don't you feel for one minute that you weren't enough. That's not determined by anyone we know- GOD put you here: THAT MAKES YOU ENOUGH. I'm sorry your mom had her head stuck in her rear. A lot of women do. My mom did too. It just made me be a better parent to my children. Chin up! Shoulder's back. And never forget: YOU ARE ENOUGH- and always have been. It's not your fault if other people around you didn't realize the gift they had in you. THEY blew it!
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advice from Guest2611641 | 03-12-2008 11:41 | E : 1 | S : 0
Good Afternoon! I have sort of the same problem. My stepfather molested me when I was a child. I told my mom and she blamed me for trying to break up her marriage. My real dad is pretty much a piece of crap as well, so my step dad was always my dad. Over the years I have talked myself out of what he did, saying that it was all my imagination. Then a couple of years ago after me and my son moved back home, while my mom and siblings were away, he tried to put something in my drink. I kept it for a long time, I couldn't ever find anyone to analyze it without being raped though. I should have done the wrong thing and drank it. Well, now that siblings are popping out babies, and again, I am the step child, and now my children are being treated like red headed step children compared to everyone else, these past feelings towards my step dad have resurfaced and I am finding myself very hateful towards everyone. It hurts so bad, because this type of family is all that I have ever known. Well, I can tell you what I am going to do. I am moving to a different state, to start a fresh new life. I will bury all my memories and raise my children without any family like this. There only family will be me and my husband. We are changing our family tree. No longer will we be a family with mysterious dark secrets and underlying problems. We are starting fresh. You should do that too. It has hurt me so bad for so many years, and people may think that I am running, but I am not. For years so many people have turned their back on me, and now I am returning the favor. I will for once in my life, be happy. I am leaving everything in order to make a fresh start. I will tell my mother though, have you told your mom what happened? My mother is being so hateful to me since my brother has had a child and named it the 3rd. She didn't show up for my childs 1st birthday, but she hosted his childs first birthday party. When I tell her, it will probably be out of anger. I wouldn't suggest this to you, but like I said before, I am leaving everyone and everything behind so it doesn't really matter to me. This is just what I am going to do. I guess that you have to make your own choices, do something that would make you feel better and not hurt so bad. Don't worry about hurting anyone else's feelings, you worry about you. That is what I have learned.
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advice from Guest2217703 | 01-30-2008 19:52 | E : 0 | S : 0
I was molested by my uncle, and my aunt told my mother I was lying for attention. My parents made me drop the charges against my uncle to protect my aunt and her business. I ask that same question every day, too - why didn't my mother protect me like she promised she always would? I'm sorry for your pain. I wish I could make it go away for the both of us.
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advice from Guest2218083 | 01-30-2008 21:28 | E : 0 | S : 0
I'm sorry that you were betrayed twice in very different ways.
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advice from Guest2219408 | 01-30-2008 23:26 | E : 0 | S : 0
i'm so sorry that happened to you.. i know how you feel, a similar thing happened to me, and i'm still really bothered by it.
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advice from Guest2225937 | 01-31-2008 18:35 | E : 0 | S : 0
the same thing happened in my family
but with three different men
and i dont know why my grandma didnt protect my aunt
but she loves her
she may be an idiot or a b____
but she LOVES her
and chances are
its the same thing with you
and you may wanna go to counselling
its really helped my family
and it doesnt mean your crazy
and it is hard
but it HELPS
i promise.
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advice from Guest1249077 | 01-31-2008 23:27 | E : 0 | S : 0
i believe you. your mother wanted to protect you but sometimes even the ones we love cant save us from the sick world. maybe she didnt know or know what to do for that matter. you aunt should have believed you and that is wrong that she didnt. dont let the past hold you down.
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advice from Guest3271948 | 02-01-2008 08:29 | E : 0 | S : 0
Ah, it's easier to destroy the child and put your head in the sand than it is to deal with incest. Have you considered counselling to process these feelings of rage, injustice and abandonment? It might help.
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advice from Guest2249723 | 02-03-2008 19:31 | E : 0 | S : 0
it sucks aye , ive had the same thing happen to me ,my mother didnt belive me and still dosent
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advice from Guest2223435 | 02-05-2008 12:42 | E : 0 | S : 0
Your mom may not have wanted to face the truth about what her husband was doing (besides contributing to the household, etc.) I am sorry for you that no one believed you. Get some therapy now, and try to let it go. You have some empathy now for others who have been in that situation, and may be able to help them thru it. It is very cathartic to help someone else.
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