Falling in Love with the Best Friend

Alright. Please, feel free to help me with this, i'm so completely and utterly stuck, i don't know what to do.

I met her five years ago when we were just silly kids. I never thought it would happen, but 5 years later, we are now best of friends. Incredibly close. And I have fallen completely and hopelessly in love with her.
The problem is, she has a boyfriend. A guy she has been with for over a year. And he is a terrific guy, someone who has also become a close friend to me!

I can't live with these feelings, i see her every day and every day my heart beats harder and threatens to tear itself right out of my chest. I lose all strength and composure when she is around. How do i get out of this without ruining everything? I don't want her to break up with him and be with me, but i want her to know so bad at very least. What can I do? Anyone?
Category Romance

advice from Guest1730759 | 12-31-2006 09:46 | E : 6 | S : 1
Firstly take a step back. If she is happy with her boyfriend I'm afriad you're going to have to stick it out. If she's not...stay way back, seriously. Wait for her to sort it out etc. Just don't rush into it, trust me. If it's not meant to be then, it's not meant to be. Just remember that there are plenty more fish in the sea. Telling her will hurt you too...just remember that.
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advice from Guest1744056 | 01-01-2007 11:28 | E : 6 | S : 1
I was the girl in one of these things. If you love her, let her come to you if she will. Don't say a word. It will ruin everything. You will become a wedge between her and her boyfriend and she'll feel alone and confused. If she does come to you, take her only as she desires -- if she simply wants a fuck and nothing more, take it. If she wants to sit in your arms and nothing more, take it. Perhaps she'll realize she loves you more than she thinks. Or maybe she already knows she does. The heart is a strange thing, and can be bigger than one person can hold.
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advice from Guest1751086 | 01-01-2007 23:57 | E : 7 | S : 2
Sounds like you've grown up. Now it's time to be a man. Sometimes being a man means doing things that aren't easy. This is one of those times.

First of all don't be selfish.
Second of all don't tell her or him how you feel.
Third you may get a chance someday if you don't f**k things up now.

Be strong, take the high road, and enjoy your friendship. I know *exactly* how hard this is to do, but trust me, its better than the alternatives.

Good luck.
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advice from Guest1796715 | 01-05-2007 12:44 | E : 3 | S : 0
(Original Poster)
Thank you ALL for the advice, it is appreciated. While there is no resolution on the horizon, i have decided to be the good friend i am and not interfere with their life, it is not my place afterall and i would be devistated to ruin my close friendships. Hopefully something may happen at a later time if i continue to be there.

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advice from Guest2413079 | 02-24-2007 16:07 | E : 3 | S : 0
My best friend just a month ago admitted he loved me, and when I told him I didn't feel the same way he was pissed. He yelled at me and said that the only reason he ever did any nice things for me was because he was hoping I had feelings for him.
I can't tell you how incredibly painful that was for me, and I understand how much I hurt him.
If you are planning to tell her, don't make her feel guilty if she doesn't return your feelings.
If she's really your good friend you'll take into condsideration how she feels and not force anything onto her.
and please realize that admitting your feelings might ruin your friendship and make things awkward.

The guy who used to be my best friend rarely talks to me after being inseperable for almost two years.
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advice from Guest821011 | 12-27-2006 21:34 | E : 2 | S : 0
If you expose the nature of your feelings - you may lose two good friends.

If you need to get it off your chest, you should start by letting her know that you don't want to get between her and her boyfriend. She might suggest that you spend less time together and she will be right.
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advice from Guest1913890 | 01-13-2007 15:24 | E : 2 | S : 0
Don't give up on your love. but if it is bothering you that much, tell her. let her know u dont want to get in the way of her boyfriend, but for all you know she could love you too and be using him to make you jelous. now dont count on it but just dont let it go. u will regret it if you dont tell her one day.
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advice from Guest1977628 | 01-18-2007 06:30 | E : 3 | S : 1
hey dude,looks like we are in the same boat.i tried several times and finaly got the guts to tell her,but somehow, i think things are just getting worst.we rarely speak now and its been like a month,i really miss her and want us to be good friends again.but,somehow in my heart,i know i will always love her and eventhough nothing will ever happen between us, i still have hope that one day she might realize that im the best thing that could ever happened to her.(seychelles)
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advice from Guest2626906 | 03-20-2007 15:32 | E : 2 | S : 0
Yeah deffanitly been in the situation kinda except he was more friends with benifits and then after he decided 2 date my best friend...I think if it ever comes up you may as well tell her how you feel theres no sense in hiding it but don't wait around for her forever( I;ve been telling myself his forever) but the guy who is now single that i have liked for about 3 years now thinks that he can go from girl to girl and I'll just wait around for him...make sure she knows your there for her if she ever needs you but maybe you guys are better just as friends...it may developpe more over time but for now just enjoy being close to her at all don't take your friendship for granted she may recognize everything you have done for her later or you never know in the mean time maybe you'll find the perfect girl for you and it'll be a surprise that it isn't her. just hang in there things always seem to wok themselves out
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advice from Guest2068823 | 01-14-2008 10:52 | E : 3 | S : 1
I RECOMMEND THAT YOU TELL HER. RIGHT NOW I'M IN A SITUATION WHERE MYSELF AND AND THIS GUY HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR OVER 10 YEARS. WE HAVE NEVER TOLD EACH OTHER HOW WE REALLY FELT ABOUT EACH OTHER. WE ARE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER HOWEVER WE MISSED OUT ON THE OPPORTUNITY OF BEING WITH EACH OTHER BECAUSE WE CHOSE TO VALUE OUR FRIENDSHIP MORE. NOW IT'S TO LATE BECAUSE HE'S MARRIED WITH 2 KIDS AND I'M MARRIED WITH 2 KIDS AND WE DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYONE ESPECIALLY THE KIDS. BUT GO FOR IT I WISH I HAD BECAUSE RIGHT NOW IT'S REALLY TEARING ME UP INSIDE.
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advice from Guest2560320 | 03-13-2007 10:57 | E : 2 | S : 1
I'm in/was in the same situation ...just in reverse. I fell in love w/ my best friend and I decided to tell him ...he wasn't involved w/anyone ...he told me he would never like me like that EVER ...how heartbreaking and cold was that, right??? ANYWAY, my opinion ...you don't need to say anything. You two have been very close for a while ...if she had been interested in having a more intimate relationship w/ you, you would've known by now. I think it's in your best interest to keep this to yourself and work through the situation the best you can ...I will say that it is HIGHLY difficult to do this w/her around you all the time. (this is what happened to me ...but I got through it ...and we are still best friends). It's a selfish thing to do to tell her, you're only satisfying something within you ...you're not doing a thing for her ...anything positive. I wish you the best of luck and I know that you'll get to the point where I am today!!! Take care of YOU!!
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advice from Guest2605543 | 04-11-2007 17:55 | E : 1 | S : 0
I feel for you. I was once in that position... My boyfriend at the time was so good to me, I loved him so much, or so I thought. I could not see me married to anyone else. Then I had this wonderful best friend. He was there for me, through thick and thin. I never even suspected that he loved me. He was so kind to me, he wiped away many a tear from my sad face and broken hearts. After breaking up with my boyfriend, we started to hang out. I went off to another state but we stayed in touch. This went on for two years, one day he came to visit. I was involved with another relationship at the time, but I noticed just how much my best friend cared for me. He was sincere about his concern for me and just my feelings in general. He told me how much he loved me and that he hurts when I do. I didn't know it but I realized that I loved him back. I finally woke up. 'You're a fool if you throw that kind of love away' I thought to myself. I fell for him hard.... I married him. Sometimes, it is best to let time make a difference. Sometimes what we fear, is something we don't understand. In my case I didn't know what love was

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advice from Guest3144741 | 05-19-2007 23:53 | E : 1 | S : 0
Back in high school my best friend told me he was in love with me and it kind of freaked me out. I was dating someone at the time too, but I didn't want to stop being friends with him. It's been five years and fate finally brought us together and I have never been happier. Just wait..you never know what will happen.
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advice from Guest2145749 | 01-22-2008 07:16 | E : 2 | S : 1
Someone mentioned that you should not say anything. That is truly the best advice. If things get harder down the road and your emotions are too overwhelming, I would back out of the friendship if I were you. Staying friends with someone you are in love with especially when it is not meant to be will only cause you to linger on those feelings for her longer and longer and that will create isolation and loneliness. If these emotions do not reside and you are still in love and it bothers you, get out of the friendship and get your mind off her so you can effectively find another woman to focus on that you do have a chance with. Things like this can turn into obsession and hiding feelings such as this is a painful form of emotional repression that can just make you ten times more miserable in the long run. I would have backed out of that by now if I were you and moved on with my life.
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advice from Guest1696860 | 12-28-2006 12:20 | E : 1 | S : 1
(Original Poster)
You are both right.
I think on one hand i should try to just ignore this and be how we have been. I did try dating a different girl for a while however, but my heart was not in it because of how much i love this girl.
Some time apart is a good suggestion. I don't want these feelings to ruin anything, that really is the last thing i want.
Humbug to the unpredictability of love!
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advice from Guest2433826 | 02-26-2007 14:38 | E : 1 | S : 1
Tell her you'll always wonder what if, just tell her
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advice from Guest2542134 | 03-11-2007 11:45 | E : 1 | S : 1
I wish you had my friends, they can tell if she loves you back. They did it for me, and now we're a couple.
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advice from Guest2627462 | 03-20-2007 16:57 | E : 0 | S : 0
I can relate.
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advice from Guest2702785 | 03-29-2007 08:35 | E : 1 | S : 1
You need to wait your turn....is she is with someone now, let her be with that person. It could be the "one" for her..and would you really want to take that away from her? Perhaps a few months down the road, she will be single...that is the best time to bring up your feelings to her. However be prepared to lose a friend. I would think if she felt the same way towards you....you would have been that boyfriend already. Maybe she just likes you as a friend.
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advice from Guest2722240 | 03-31-2007 15:20 | E : 1 | S : 1
OH MY GOD!! ME TOO!!!!!!!!! WHY ARE HEARTS SO COLD AND SO WILD? ahh.. if you figure it out post it PLEASE
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advice from Guest2721229 | 04-01-2007 14:53 | E : 0 | S : 0
I feel ike im having some same kind of situation, just posted mine. I really really love my best friend, we already got over the line. He Also grew up. BUt he is still younger than me, and I already had a serious relationship. I even crashed my car because my thought were so fucked op in my head. Really we had great sex :) and the most wonderfull time I could ever imagine. really happy to be so close to him. But still the problem is he is just not ready to handle me.... Any way I need some sleep, I ll be dreaming about him. Hoping he knows how much I love him. But its just not working out the coming momths because I still got serieus feelings about my man.

Really love you :)
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advice from Guest3530209 | 08-05-2007 05:32 | E : 0 | S : 0
you know wat we had the same situation. If you'll ask me wat i did,,i'd juz kept quiet...i dont have any plans to tell her the truth because i know how she luvs her boyfriend and i'd rather be her bestfriend for the rest of my life. 'Coz i know that once i'll tell her my feelings she will surely avoid me. I dont want to loose that friendship which is the only reason why we are connected to each other.
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advice from Guest870064 | 09-04-2007 22:29 | E : 0 | S : 0
I think that the best thing to do is tell her. Trust me, I just realised this. Over the past months I've to fallen in love with my best friend. She's amazing!!! Anyway, if you wait to long to tell her, it may get to the point where nothing could happen between you two because she may get married, or he'll ask her to marry him and she will become his fiance, and then it would seem wrong to tell her your true feelings when she just said yes to marrying another man. Just tell her. If she doesn't feel the same way, than atleast you'll know and this won't have to tear you up inside any longer. Hope my advice will help you. Good luck!!!

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advice from Guest1687979 | 12-27-2006 22:19 | E : 0 | S : 1
You should tell about your felling to both of them. Let the girl choose and if she come to you then love her bit more, otherwise forget her, break your own heart and say good luck to couple.

** find another girl whom you can love and she also loves you. Life has to go with smile.
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advice from Guest1701246 | 12-28-2006 21:41 | E : 2 | S : 3
being in the same situation tell her - you dont wanna regret the fact that nothing happened because she never knew.
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advice from Guest1711780 | 12-29-2006 23:35 | E : 0 | S : 1
wait till she breaks up with him. then be there for her when she gos for a rebound thats when you jump in.till then do as you said keep your heart open for other flings dont let em get to deep. but keep your eye on the gold. and then open up to her at the opertune time. just dont third wheel in her relationship cause that causes trouble.
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advice from Guest1777497 | 01-03-2007 22:50 | E : 0 | S : 1
Yeah man I've been in this situation...well I am right now. Wait till they breakup but explore other options in the meantime.
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advice from Guest2091343 | 01-25-2007 20:59 | E : 2 | S : 4
whatever the outcome you need to tell her... she deserves to know how you feel.. and you deserve to know how she feels on the matter.... if it jeapordises your friendship well.. so be it.. you need to let it out now
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advice from Guest1713967 | 12-29-2006 23:02 | E : 1 | S : 4
You've got to tell her and live with her choice. You DO want her to break up with him and be with you. Completely and hopelessly in love trumps "terrific guy" and "close friend" every time. Telling her is what you owe her (so she can know her options), him (he's a friend) and above all yourself.
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