I'm a liar.

I have lied my way through life. I always tell people what I think they want to hear.

I do not even know who the real me is.

I think I need to get out of my element and discover who I am. I feel like I need to start all over. I am missing somthing.
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advice from Guest1209032 | 11-19-2006 20:59 | E : 2 | S : 0
When I was younger I had a best friend who was more like a sister. Once I got older I realized she had this exact problem. Telling everyone what they want to hear is only going to result in trouble. Once people see your true colors they won't want anything to do with you. I am glad you recognize your problem because it's been seven years and my old friend still hasn't. I doubt she ever will.
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advice from Guest1353397 | 12-02-2006 00:13 | E : 2 | S : 0
I began lieing in childhood as a way of compensating for my experience of my impoverished, abusive and, to me, utterly-shaming family life. I simply invented new characters, circumstances and events to take into the outside world. The lies were complex and imaginative, and I became skilled at cross-referencing the various scenarios, keeping track of all the people and invented situations. I took the behaviour into adolescence and early adulthood as a way of denying my past and giving myself some 'worth' in my own eyes. I became very depressed as the vivid, vital private 'life' I invented in my stories to friends and colleagues, and even certain relatives, grew so real to me that I found the reality of my life, when returning to my private space, to be bleak and empty in comparison. My 'cure' began by chance when I began a relationship with someone whom, it transpired, was a patholical liar in his own right. It was shocking to find oneself caught-up in another's bizarre chain of fantasy and untruth, to the point where one questioned the very existence of any kind of reality. The relationship cost me self-respect and a deal of money, but I emerged cleansed of my habit and refocused on creating my own 'real'. That was more than 26-years ago, and I have since been able to build an honest and useful life, accepting the past for what it was, bloody yet survived by me. Truth and courage are the cornerstones which partner love and health in our lives. You appear to recognise this. Perhaps find one person you may confide in to begin your process of change. If not a friend, than you may perhaps consider someone such as a hypnotherapist. Hypnotherapy works very quickly, in partnership with your own determination, to change learned behaviours and set new patterns. It is faster, and therefore more economical than full-blown psychotherapy. In the clinical situation, you would be able to share your problem without fear of judgment or loss of respect. I do hope you find your way into truth and a good and sustaining daily life.

Kind regards,
F.
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advice from Guest821011 | 11-14-2006 09:20 | E : 2 | S : 1
I think your instinct is right on the dot. It sounds like you assume any identity that is convenient - so you don't have a proper concept of self.

You need to figure out who you want to be and start from there. Take a trip so that you don't fall into old habbits and try the new you on for size. Don't look back for the next 6 months to a year.
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advice from Guest1210246 | 11-19-2006 23:24 | E : 1 | S : 0
I used to have this exact problem. It took losing everything for me to take a good look at myself. You have to be intelligent and charasmatic to pull off this sort of thing, and once you realise that perhaps you'll have the confidence to use those traits to win people honestly to your cause.
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advice from Guest1211852 | 11-20-2006 04:07 | E : 1 | S : 0
My advice is to come clean. I fell in love with a guy once, and everything he had ever told me was i lie. I didn't find out through him, all his stories just kept showing cracks until one day i found solid proof of what was the truth, and it absolutely shattered my heart. He, to this day, doesn't know why i have changed, and why our relationship fell to pieces, and he has still never told me the truth. Although i would have been upset if i had heard it all from him, i think i would have found it easier to forgive, simply because by confessing to the lies you are asking for forgiveness and a 2nd chance. It would be an immencely hard thing to do, but it may help you win back a fraction of the respect that people will doubtlessly lose.
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advice from Guest1288275 | 11-27-2006 01:34 | E : 0 | S : 0
I'm exactly the same. I think it's a desperation to sound more interesting than I really am. Perhaps your motives are the same?
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advice from Guest1389213 | 12-04-2006 12:36 | E : 0 | S : 0
What's to keep this person from just telling the people that they meet on their trip whatever those people want to hear? I don't think going away to "find yourself" is the answer. You might just end up creating a new persona, instead of figuring out who you are.
I would try to start making a lits of things you think you really enjoy for yourself. If you're out with certain friends, and they all want to do something. Try to privately assess how you feel about it. Then slowly start trying to incorporate things you care about into who you are, regardless of who you are with.
I agree with the other posters, though. I don't think you're alone with this issue.

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advice from Guest1751086 | 01-02-2007 00:33 | E : 0 | S : 0
You are absolutely right.

What you're missing is yourself. You've chosen to be what people want you to be rather than having and living your own dreams.

Grow a spine and get out there and be yourself for a change. Theres a huge world waiting to be experienced.
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advice from Guest1372987 | 01-06-2007 21:31 | E : 0 | S : 0
i am afraid it isnt as simple as starting over. You have a personality disorder called NPD (narsisistic personality disorder). it usually stems from issues of inadiquacy; lots of little boys who get the crap beaten out of them by their mothers get it. Some have it worse then others; some are pathological and begin to believe the lies that they tell as a defense mechanism against the cold reality of falsehood, and that can descend into sociopathic tendencies if it is disrupted. Some people think that they are ninja vampires, cowboys, Napoleon Bonapart, batman, etc. and it ends up getting them killed. You need to seek out psychological therapy and identify the roots of your inadiquacy issues. Only then can you start over. When you do, find something that YOU want to be, and make yourself it; don't pretend, be.
Best of luck, S.
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advice from Guest2370471 | 02-19-2007 19:32 | E : 0 | S : 0
You're not alone. I do the same thing.
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advice from Guest2563812 | 03-13-2007 20:15 | E : 0 | S : 0
oh my god we are exactly the same i do that exact same thing. i dont know who i am either. i lie about everything, even things that dont call for it. im also very lost and dont know who the real me is. somtimes i wish i could go to a completly different state and make up a new identity so no one would know me. im just glad im not alone in that
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advice from Guest2638320 | 03-21-2007 20:58 | E : 0 | S : 0
You are exactly like me! Im leaving the country next year to live by myself... So I can find out who I am. Its a good idea.
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advice from Guest2208995 | 03-26-2007 16:27 | E : 0 | S : 0
story of my life.
sometimes its not even because i dont want to tell people the truth but i cant because of personal reasons and i wish i could just come clean tell people who i really am why i do the things i do and why certian things happen, but i cant. i would be in so much trouble if i did.
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advice from Guest3341992 | 07-07-2007 22:02 | E : 0 | S : 0
its not about lying or not lieng- its about using youre head! lieng isnt always bad- it can also protect you. sometimes i lie through my teeth to protect myself and my mom.
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advice from Guest1273382 | 10-29-2007 22:54 | E : 0 | S : 0
I know how you feel, I do think I need to get out of my element and discover who I am too. That's complicated, I don't even know where
we can start to know who we really are..

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advice from Guest2385971 | 02-21-2007 12:59 | E : 0 | S : 1
You sound a bit like me actually. I can't ever come out and say something harsh+true about someone because I fear their reaction. You have to just try it out, experiment a bit with what you say. :)
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