i would so lost without her

i have been friends with the person i consider to be my best friend for about a year now and i knew when i met her that she had gone through something tramatic a few months before i met her, but i didn't know what it was, and last monthi found out that it was that she attempted suicide. she still gets depressed about it sometimes, but i don't know what to say to comfort her since i wasn't a big part of her life then.
advice?
Category Didn't Want To Know - But I Do

advice from Guest2187994 | 02-01-2007 14:39 | E : 2 | S : 0
As someone who suffers from depression, and has occasionally felt suicidal, it might be worth pointing out that these feelings are more like a disease than a normal state of mind - sufferers have very little control over them.

Even if, god-forbid, the worst ever happens, just remember that they will have appreciated you for who you are while they were in a normal state of mind, but had no control over where and how low this disease took them.

Perhaps the best you can do for now would be to let them know you want to be someone they can turn to in their darkest hour at any time day or night - talk *may* help if they manage to make that call, but don't count on it.

Depression is an "altered" state of mind that just has to work its own way out of the system in my experieince. It never leaves fully, but on "stable" days you can appear quite happy and normal, and the urge to do yourself damage is sufficiently quelled.

Sadly, depression, and suicidal urges are those compulsions you feel least like sharing with someone while you're in that state of mind, but if you can pick up on the undercurrent in the psyche and provide some diversion you might be able to get them to open up - admitting, and possibly most of all *recognising* when you have a problem to know to do something about it is a large factor.

My last "episode" kicked in very fiercely over the space of a few short (i.e. ~4) hours, and within 36 hours I found myself stood in the kitchen wishing I was closer to a knife on the worktop than my wife of 13 years. At the time, I could think of little else than slashing my own throat.

For the following two weeks I was in "shellshock" at how close I had come, and took myself (dragging the wife with me) to the doctors'. She wasn't aware just *how* close I was until I painstakingly painted the picture to her over a week later.

I'm not actually on any medication at the moment, but have previously been on Prozac for a few months several years ago. The doc basically said if I went back on it, I was on it for life.

To sum all this up really, life might always be a little rocky for them, but you *can* make a difference - just don't expect a magic wand :-)

PS: Good luck :-)
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advice from Guest2279270 | 02-09-2007 14:13 | E : 2 | S : 0
Just be there for her. Depending on how she feels about her depression, she might not want to talk about it, or hate even acknowledging it aloud. If and when she does want to talk, hear her out, just listen, and don't judge or comment. If she talks about people in her life that have been bad to her, but are close to her or cared for, don't get mad at them or blame them to her.

Just listen, listen, listen. Hold her hand. Let her cry.

If she's not getting help, if you think the moment is right, suggest it. Look up a few good therapists for her.

And be brave for her. Believe in her even when she doesn't herself.


I say this as one who's been in her shoes. Good luck to you, and to her.
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advice from Guest2362625 | 02-18-2007 19:43 | E : 1 | S : 0
I've also made attempts and have suffered major depression most of my life. The best thing anyone does is accept me. Depression is a mental health issue and ultimately it is the only the sufferer that can do anything. I believe in getting help from professionals. the friends I've kept closest are those that validate my feelings with or without understanding the magnitude or reasoning behind them. No pity, special treatment or advice needed. Just their patience as I learn to live with the recurrent depressive states. I can suddenly burst into tears and they are not questioning me or "trying to make it better". Realizing you don't know what to do is good accepting you can't do anything is better. Learn to take cues from your friend and try not to take responsibility for their mood.
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advice from Guest821011 | 02-01-2007 00:18 | E : 0 | S : 0
I think it might be enough to let her know that you care.
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advice from Guest2289184 | 02-10-2007 21:59 | E : 0 | S : 0
I think, just let her know that yesterday was yesterday and today is a new day. you are her friend who she can trust and call if she needs you ay. You cant undo the past so when it comes up maybe you could just think of now -> future. Think of something fun to do. I dont know but im sure think future is a start. :)
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advice from Guest2419393 | 02-25-2007 06:26 | E : 0 | S : 0
If she's still alive then she's survived it. 1 out of 15 teenagers consider suicide at one point in time. It's time for her to heal and the best thing you can do for her is listen and be there for her.
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advice from Guest2711580 | 03-30-2007 09:11 | E : 0 | S : 0
Just give her a big hug and tell her you love her. Unconditional love is one of the stronger gifts a friend can give. If she opens up, stop what you're doing and listen. If she feels unstable, spend more time with her and watch a movie to help her forget. Actions always speak louder than words.
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advice from Guest2721734 | 03-31-2007 19:10 | E : 0 | S : 0
some times the best thing to say is nothing at all. if your always there she will always be there with you.
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advice from Guest2834361 | 04-11-2007 19:49 | E : 0 | S : 0
Well, I would first check to see if she needs comfort. Some people don't like it when people try to mettle in things. If she does want your help the biggest thing you can do it LISTEN. My mom tried to commit suicide this summer and all I needed was for someone to geniunely listen to me, hug me, and show that they are there for me. When it comes to things like this, words usually aren't enough. Show it with actions. Hope it all works out.

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advice from Guest2858189 | 04-15-2007 07:25 | E : 0 | S : 0
does she know how lost you would be without her?

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advice from Guest3059910 | 05-03-2007 08:07 | E : 0 | S : 0
listen to her. understand what she is going thru and care. dont tell her everything will be okay, she has herd that enough. just listen.

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advice from Guest2326875 | 02-14-2007 19:30 | E : 0 | S : 1
I am i that friend?
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advice from Guest3030878 | 04-30-2007 10:08 | E : 0 | S : 2
just kill her so she doesn't have to do it herself.


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