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In Love with my gay best friend

QuickCode : donald

So Im falling in love with my gay best friend. It is so hard not to, why wouldnt I want a sexy,smart,funny and caring man? I am fully aware of his sexual orientaion and yet that has not stopped my feelings from being there. I do not want to ruin our friendship and yet i see myself getting jelous about the time he spends with other men. I know I have no right to feel that way. Its not fair and I dont want to feel like this at all. We go to clubs and drink all the time, he gets drunk and kisses me...........he once told me that we would end up together in a sexual manner, yes he was drunk and really I cant take what he says to heart when he has been drinking. I know this, I KNOW.....but i cant stop holding on to the fact that it could happen.

Category Dirty Little Secret

Submitted 05-10-2007 12:46
Visited 35127 times. 79.08 Compelling Rating (rated 142 times) 91.77 Sincerity Rating (rated 203 times)
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advice from Guest3226429 | 06-11-2007 19:24 | E : 41 | S : 12
I was in that boat for many many years. For seven years, I was a dumb-ass who was madly in love with my gay best friend. I made sacrafices I never would have made and did everything I could to be with him. Now, I look back at all of the time and energy I wasted- time and energy I could have been putting towards a healthy relationship with a straight man. We used to get drunk and make out, I swore deep down he wasnt totally gay- and I got so jealous when I would see him with other guys, or he'd have one night stands. Its the 'you always want what you cant have'. Don't do it. Its cliche, but there are a million other guys out there that DO dig chicks. Dont waste your time. Take it from one who knows.
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advice from Guest1719040 | 12-10-2007 00:08 | E : 39 | S : 12
I am completely in love with my gay best friend. I get jealous even when he spends more time on the phone with anyone that's not me. He tells me that I'm his best friend and that I will always be the first in his life and that he wants me to carry his children when we're all grown up (we're 20) and he swears that I have the most wonderful lips and that he wouldn't mind kissing me for the rest of his life if I would only allow him to once. We haven't kissed, he drinks sometimes, but I don't. So, I'm always sober and I have to force him off of me when he gets really drunk---it's always as if he searches for me to touch and kiss me in a very sexual way. I hate the way he looks at me because he makes me fall even more in love with him. He flirts with me too! Sometimes I wish I could stop being his friend but I realize that my life is better with him in it than without him. Don't stop being your friend's friend--tell him how you feel. My friend forced it out of me and I felt emotionally raped but then afterwards, it did not feel so bad or awkward. We love each other and who knows, maybe we might end up together because everyone can be gay and straight--you do not fall in love with sexes usually, you fall in love with the person and so maybe if you guys are meant for each other, it'll happen...
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advice from Guest2732472 | 03-23-2008 03:38 | E : 20 | S : 2
I am dealing with the same issue right now. I have worked hard over the past two years to not be jealous of anyone who spends more time with him then me. And now I find myself sabotages my own relationships because once a year or two ago he said if were not married by the time were 40 lets get married. GREAT! now i just have to be unhappy for the next 20 years. Dont wait for him, dont hold onto him, live your life like its never going to happen, bury him, have a ceremony, mourn your feelings for him and move on.
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advice from Guest3163237 | 05-24-2007 21:30 | E : 21 | S : 4
Girl, I am there with ya. My gay best friend and I have been fighting all week because I got jealous at a club last weekend. I never used to be this way. But when we got this close, he got my heart-and I try to hide it. It's SO HARD. It absolutely sucks being the straight one. It hurts and tears your heart apart becauase you love, love him and he loves you as a pal. How can we anonymously trade emails and talk more?

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advice from Guest1326391 | 11-04-2007 14:49 | E : 21 | S : 6
i never thought id find anyone who felt the same way i do! i have a gay best friend, who was my first love and my first boyfriend. we had the typical teen relationship of like 5 months..then he "came out". i always had hope, as we remained friends. like a year and a half later, he starts making out with me and tells me that he wants to try again. so of course i told myself id take it slow, but fell right back into it. anyways, that didnt work out and now, 2 years later, i still have feelings for him that are so strong. i dont know if im more jealous of the guys cause they can get him, or the girls cause i was his only one. and the second time around we ended up having sex. and he still kisses me when we drink. and im missing him right now! messed up story of mine, huh?
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advice from Guest1282305 | 10-30-2007 02:01 | E : 15 | S : 7
I know exactly how you feel, Im in love with my best friend who decided hes gay. Ive been in love with him for 8 years and He knows it too. Were the closest you can get to someone without dating them, and the other night we went out to dinner at a resterant and he was like " Ive been thinking, If i wasnt gay we prolly would have dated all middle school, up untill now and i would have probably proposed to you tonight" Just hearing him say that crushed me, because thats all I want and he bascially rubbed dirt into my wound. *tear*

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advice from Guest1148039 | 10-14-2007 02:10 | E : 9 | S : 3
I was told drunken words are sober thoughts.... i have been in love with my gay best friend since 7th grade... we are best friends who know eachother inside and out... but he likes to drink, and when he does he tells me how much he loves me and wants to be with me also... but when he's sober he can be the BIGGEST b____, he's so manipulative and mean... but for some reason i stick around i only wish i could move on but he was my first love and all.... but i hope your friend treats you well and i supose we all just have to accept the fact that at the end of the day, they're not the ones who are going to propose to us, and they probably dont plan on making a family with us either.... unless your extremely lucky and they do. lol. oh and i get jelous of even other girls he drinks with lol.... i have issues... i know.

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advice from Guest3393237 | 07-16-2007 12:33 | E : 11 | S : 6
im right there as well...i love my gay best friend but we used to be in a relationship and we have had sex many times and he tells me that i mean more to him than anyone, i cant seem to get over it at all and i miss him all the time i try to move on but i cant seen to at all and when he is with me i want no one else in the whole world, i have my own boyfriend and i want to love him so much but it always comes back to my best friend, its somethin that i dont believe is as black and white as everyone wud like it to be, maybe no one is completely straight or gay...you fall in love with people not sexes, i think my friend is proof of that, because no matter how many men he finds or is with.. he always comes back, in a friendship way and a loving/sexual way..i will always love him...
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advice from Guest3393237 | 12-18-2007 10:55 | E : 7 | S : 2
rite i wrote the post that is not just below this one but the one below that...i now strongly advise you to move on...i have and its the best thing that ever happened to me, it was difficult to forget and let go but i did and i have now met a guy that i have fallen completely and utterly in love with and thankfully he is straight, now funny enuf i saw my gay best friend two weeks ago, i got drunk and we kissed, all the feelings are gone, i regret cheating on my new boyfriend more than anything, it was not worth it and it never was. i miss him from time to time cos we have grown apart slightly...but i needed the space to realise i was hurting myself by convincing myself that he was the one for me just cos i knew i cud never have him completely...think about it, even if you get him...u will always torture yourself with the thought that he mite still be gay
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advice from Guest3196351 | 06-02-2007 23:55 | E : 3 | S : 0
He may be experimenting with you in the same way straight people experiment with gays even though they know their orientation. I did the same thing with my best friend (I'm a lesbian, and he's a guy).
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advice from Guest1608079 | 11-30-2007 17:26 | E : 8 | S : 5
I am currently in the same situation. When I met my best friend he was already out about being gay, but I gained feelings for him regardless. It turned into something really twisted- we would fool around (we would makeout and after several months of this we began doing things like oral sex as well) and he claimed that I was the only girl that was the "exception". But it was horrible because often after we had finished fooling around he would say something completely tacktless like bring up a really hot guy he had been flirting with. I would (and still do) get insanley jealous of any guys (or even girls) that he acts flirtatious towards. Finally, about three months ago he put an end to the physical part of our relationship, insisting that he was uncomfortable because he realized that he truelly was gay. We have remained incredibly close (hang out every day, still kiss and hold hands) and most people think we're dating. But I can't seem to get over the fact that we are not... He is genuinley sorry for hurting me because he knows how I felt. And even though it hurts- having him in my life as my best friend is better than not having him at all.
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advice from Guest3211831 | 06-08-2007 00:01 | E : 2 | S : 0
[moderated : very sorry, email address removed for your own protection] for the girl who asked :)

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advice from Guest2465314 | 02-26-2008 20:09 | E : 3 | S : 1
Okay..so it was kinda funny that i found this. Because believe it or not I thought that I was the only one who felt this way. It sucks! I read every one of these paragraphs and I have experienced pretty much all of them except one! I hurt every day of my life..I wish there was a solution to this other then ending our friendship!! :0( I just can't do that! I couldn't imagine my life without him!!
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advice from Guest3160032 | 05-24-2007 01:33 | E : 3 | S : 2
A drunkard usually says whats in his heart. Maybe he meant it but too shy or respects you for that. If you like his companionship, dont break it. Or just to get the REAL answer from him if you are willing to take the risk. Good luck!

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advice from Guest3512733 | 08-02-2007 17:01 | E : 4 | S : 3
same thing here....except he kisses me when we are not drunk.actually almost everyday..i have jacked him off..we make out..hold hands..and he wants me to give him head....he holds me and tells me that i am his one and only and that i will always come first....he calls me baby...it hurts....
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advice from Guest956814 | 09-17-2007 04:02 | E : 2 | S : 1
im in love with my gay best friend too i knwo how you feel :(
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advice from Guest2271652 | 02-06-2008 04:34 | E : 4 | S : 3
Hi!! I have a cute gay friend haha I know how you feel. He "came out" recently but before he was always flirting with girls including me!!because I think it was a way to hide his real orientation in front of guys but most of all.. i think it was like a play for him because he knew nothing was going to happen but it made him feel sexy anyway...he dressed so nice and always smiling...Typical guy atittude!! no matter if he is gay, they like compliments!!I think in some way is their fault hehe if we girls fall in love with them. I thought i was the only one surprised when he came out but I found out that an innocent very young girl was really in love with him..I was like wow!! definitely HIS fault!! hehe
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advice from Guest3118372 | 05-14-2007 17:04 | E : 4 | S : 4
You should see the movie "The Object Of My Affection"

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advice from Guest3285343 | 06-25-2007 17:06 | E : 5 | S : 5
For the person who put go home to my husband, I dont believe i posted on here I was married, since I am not. I only want positive feedback so please only give me that. Thank you.
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advice from Guest3118805 | 05-13-2007 12:59 | E : 8 | S : 9
That must hurt a lot. I'm sorry.
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advice from Guest1247272 | 10-25-2007 18:56 | E : 1 | S : 2
you and i are basically living the same life. i'm really glad i'm not the only one, but i know how hard it is. i'm fighting with my best friend now, and have been for about a month, about this issue. UGH!! so frustrating. i hope everything's working out for ou
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advice from Guest2690724 | 03-18-2008 13:35 | E : 1 | S : 2
i no how u feel! im in that place! it so hard, espicially as this lad used to tell me that he loved me and i didnt responsed it was only when it was to late and he came out that i relised how lost i actually was without him and how much i love him and now i no nothing can ever happen. i had my chance and i wasted it one my biggest regrets!
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advice from Guest3120083 | 05-13-2007 20:51 | E : 0 | S : 3
Why dont you just tell him how you feel? It could ruin your friendship if you do or dont.
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advice from Guest965388 | 09-18-2007 05:19 | E : 6 | S : 12
get naked and give it a try.
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advice from Guest1551122 | 11-26-2007 15:56 | E : 9 | S : 27
Hi, My wife has a relationship with a gay man, and it hurts because she says she loves him. She has fallen asleep on his couch, drank there, she doesn't smoke cigarettes, but has at his house. The thing is, is that she is 30 years old with 4 kids and a husband. To me that is unacceptable, and I told her to pick. She says she has not contacted him, we'll see. cause she's a liar too.
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advice from Guest3211831 | 06-23-2007 14:41 | E : 7 | S : 30
maybe you should stop hanging out with him, and go home to your husbad. Or you could end up completely alone.
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