let me save you.

I love her. To absolute death. She is being sexually abused by her dad. She told me, and I want to help her, to tell someone. Knowing that she's being hurt drives me insane. I feel helpless.

But she told me her reasoning for not sharing this secret with ANYONE besides myself. She doesn't want her family to fall apart. They are already poor and unhappy. She is a strong enough person to handle it, she says. And she DOES act the part, I just.. I dunno. I'm sure any advice from any place would say to TELL SOMEONE. But I can't. Logic says that it will only make things worse, feelings say that I'll finally be her hero..
Category Didn't Want To Know - But I Do

advice from Guest3281361 | 06-24-2007 18:09 | E : 9 | S : 1
this made me cry. it seems like my story. i told my ex bf about my dad sexually abusing me. and told him not to tell b/c i dont want my life to fall apart. so i am gonna tell you what you should do: hold her really close and tell her that she shouldnt have to sacrafice herself for no one. Tell her that you love her and that you'll never let her go. Since she tld you she is begging inside for you to tell someone. She can't because the horror has glued her lips together. Whatever you decide to do remember that you obviously have a special place in her heart and that you will always be her hero.
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advice from Guest3192364 | 06-12-2007 21:28 | E : 8 | S : 2
Okay I was that girl IN this position with a boyfriend in your position, to the letter, and that was about 6 monthes ago, I told my boyfriend and another old friend and old friend told my mom who went bizerk and my dad got arrested and we got on welfare and after about 3 monthes of couselling I'm much better and know I didn't have to be that strong for the 5 years I was abused and kept the secret. If you tell someone and he gets arrested she will be terrified at first so make sure you are there for her, take it from me it all is better in the long run even though it seems impossible right now. And I know now that my boyfriend loves me more then life and will always be here to hold my hand through anything now and life is so much better. Do not keep this secret. She will thank you after awhile.
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advice from Guest3255125 | 06-18-2007 18:37 | E : 5 | S : 1
she might tell you she is fine, but shes probably dying inside for you to help her anyway
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advice from Guest3271948 | 06-23-2007 03:58 | E : 5 | S : 1
You must be careful if she is under 18. It sounds like you are out of your depth. I would ring a hotline and get some anonymous help first. Find out what the options are. She needs to know that she is not responsible for everything, and her family sounds like they are already broken. Find some help for the both of you, this is a very serious allegation.
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advice from Guest2570713 | 06-07-2007 14:52 | E : 2 | S : 0
SHE COME FIRST BECASE WHEN SHE 18 SHE WILL BE BROKEN..SHE NEEDS TO BE SAVED IT MAY BE HARD IN THE BEGINING BUT SHE WILL BE HAPPIER AT THE END...SHE NEED A PROTECTOR NOT AN ABUSER...SHE NEED HELP WEATHER SHE LIKES IT OR NOT SHE NEEDS TO BE HELPED IT WRONG WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND SHE KNOWS IT...
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advice from Guest1018832 | 09-25-2007 06:44 | E : 2 | S : 0
I was abused in more ways than one by my stepmother for YEARS. I told my best friend but asked him to not tell anyone. I was scared of what would happen if she didn't get in trouble but found out I told. Now years later, I WISH HE HAD TOLD SOMEONE.
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advice from Guest3224800 | 06-11-2007 09:31 | E : 1 | S : 0
you may lose a friend but you could save a life (physically, mentally, spiritually) - you MUST get her help. it's not even a question, her family needs the kind of help that only an outside agency can provide. good luck.
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advice from Guest3278037 | 06-24-2007 00:11 | E : 1 | S : 0
i know where u r coming from. i once too had a friend whos father was abusing her and felt trapped because she trusted me enough to tell but still i thought she needed more help than i could give. i really think that u and ur friend should research all of ur options and become well educated on the situation. calling a hotline for some advice like many others have suggested wouldy also be a good idea. i wish i could be of more help but i really cant tell u what exactly u should do. u kno the situation better than i do and i believe in u. u can make the right decision.
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advice from Guest3286066 | 06-25-2007 22:21 | E : 1 | S : 0
If you don't get her help this will ruin her life. It will destroy her if she does not get away from it. Because of her father, she will have trouble with sexual relationships later in life. She might never want to have sex again because it will remind her of her father's abuse. This is the kind of thing that NOBODY should ever have to put up with or hide.
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advice from Guest1710013 | 12-09-2007 02:37 | E : 1 | S : 0
As tragic as it may be to betray her trust, she would not have told you if she didn't subconsciously want your help. If you truly love her then you should help her overcome her fears about telling the truth. Help her get help and be there for her always. Even if she doesn't want your help afterwards just consistently let her know you are there for her whenever she needs you. If you lose her as a friend at least you'll know you did the right thing for her even if it doesn't seem like it. If you are holding back because you are afraid of losing her...you need to take a step back and remember who or what you are trying to save, your relationship or her.
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advice from Guest3212246 | 06-08-2007 04:15 | E : 0 | S : 0
Call the Girls and Boys Town National Hotline and talk to a professional teen counselor. Trust me, it really DOES help.
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advice from Guest3199473 | 06-09-2007 11:15 | E : 0 | S : 0
She isn't strong enough. I know she plays the part. But tell someone before she can't handle it anymore. I have several friends with these kind of problems. I either talk them through it and tell them what to do, or I gtake action. You have to tell before it gets worse.
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advice from Guest3217592 | 06-09-2007 15:51 | E : 0 | S : 0
Tell. Does she really want to live in a dysfunctional family? Reason with her. Ask her if she's happy. If she is...then do nothing. It will hurt her even more when she wakes up one day and realizes that she protected a big FAT LIE. Then she will really resent you.
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advice from Guest3246608 | 06-16-2007 11:04 | E : 0 | S : 0
I think that she is reaching out to you to do what she cannot. She needs your help to be freed from her position. Do what you can without risking violence.
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advice from Guest3284873 | 06-25-2007 13:26 | E : 0 | S : 0
Tell someone. but fist let her know your going to tell someone so she doesn't feel like you betrayed her behind her back. it sounds to me like her family already is falling apart if this is happening, its just being ignored right now. if it comes into the open.. people can help fix it instead of ignoring it until it's irrepairable
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advice from Guest3360816 | 07-11-2007 18:54 | E : 0 | S : 0
CALL THE POLICE. It's the best thing you can do for her if you really loveher. She might be mad at you, but she will realize that she actually has been saved by you and love you even more. Just do whats right, and whats best for her. Her life will increase from there.
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advice from Guest1560214 | 12-02-2007 00:07 | E : 0 | S : 0
She's not a strong enough person to handle it or she wouldn't have told you. You HAVE to do something, or you will despise yourself for the rest of your life. She needs you to help her.
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advice from Guest3264369 | 06-20-2007 20:42 | E : 2 | S : 3
You dont have to take any advice but this if you are still confused, If it is true then god will punish that person. Some people want sympathy of a rape victim for several different reasons, give it time see if she ever changes her story and get to know her dad, trust her to a degree we all lie and sin, you can only trust god, i lied and told my boyfriend that im glad he never said anything i did it because i never got any attention from my dad, and was rapped by another man. But its f_____ nevermind
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advice from Guest2886662 | 06-12-2007 05:51 | E : 4 | S : 6
if she doesnt want anyone told, its her choice. You can't tell for her, because if she truly doesnt want anyone to know, she'll deny it.

She'd rather look like a liar than someone who's abused.

Trust me.
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advice from Guest3386831 | 07-21-2007 13:50 | E : 0 | S : 2
You could confront her dad and tell him if he doesn't stop you'll go to the police
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advice from Guest964144 | 09-18-2007 03:00 | E : 1 | S : 4
my opinion is the complete opposite. i've been molested but that has nothing to do with this opinion. family is priceless, i've been taken away from and given up by my mother, who is/was a whore, and my stepfather, who beats the hell out of my mom, since i was 8. im a waord of the state now and walk thru fire and face hell itself to be with them. nothing is worth losing your family, even sexual abuse, and yes, i know how it feels, if you love someone, you do what you have to.
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advice from Guest2335647 | 02-13-2008 12:40 | E : 1 | S : 6
let her make her own choices. it may tear you up inside but you can't live her life for her. don't say anything. just be there for her. she trust you and needs you.
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