life over at 21

my boyfriend of 5 years passed away recently while we were on a break... i was going to ask him to be my boyfriend again the day he died.. i'm only 21 years old and i know there will never be another who could love me the way he did, and i truly believe he was meant for me... i hope he knew how much i loved him and still love him...

i'm with someone now who cares very much for me and would do anything for me, but i only started being with him because i needed the affection and closeness because i was feeling so desperately lonely and got too far into it to tell him so

though right now i'm not actively planning to kill myself, everyday i hope something will take me, so that i might have a chance to be with the person i was supposed to spend the rest of my life with...
Category General Confession

advice from Guest2012605 | 01-08-2008 17:47 | E : 0 | S : 0
I went through a very similar thing in my life 4 going on 5 years ago. At first i did not want to live, I wanted to be with him. I was so lost and had so many feelings inside that I had no place to hide them so I put them into others, others that did not deserve them. You see when you go from all (feelings) or nothing (not a chance) the feelings are still there. It is hard and believe me I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I just do not want to see yo get stuck because you put your feelings where they should not have been in the first place. We all mess up but we have to move on. I am 23 now and was married to the man who passed on. I had to watch it and had to "make the Pull decision". I know the specifics are different but honey it still hurts just as bad. It does get easier to deal with but never fully goes away. What I have learned (so much) has put me in a good place today. I am happily married and living a good life. That is something that I never did see coming ever. I had to re learn who I was with out him and that was hard! Nobody knows your relationship like you so do not listen to what people say. You have to realize that in the end you only have yourself. For your whole life you only have yourself to depend on and you need to stay true to that or find that person who you want to be. Take care of yourself and quit lying and hiding, it just catches up to you. I really hope that this helps you out and you read it. I do know and you are not alone!
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