Losing love

The love of my life passed away in a car accident 9 days after his 20th birthday. I was driving. I don't understand why I didn't go with him. I'm scared it means that i'm supposed to be here for a reason. I'm scared I wont live up to whatever that is. I'm scared he doesn't love me anymore because he knows my secrets. I'm scared he gets mad at me everytime I kiss someone. Im scared i'll never find someone that looked at me the way he did again.
Category General Confession