my life is really messed up

when i was 13, a woman was raped in front of me. I pretended it never happened and repressed it until it popped up again. I am depressed and obsessive compulsive, but it doesnt have many physical manifestations, so I can hide it very easily. I dont have any money, so i cant go to a private therapist, and i dont trust the ones my medical plan has. I dont want ot get medicated because I dont trust the medicine, either because of cushy FDA deregulation allowing virtually anyhting on the market, or because of what it might do to my already messed up brain. Secretly, i want to join the military so i can die and be remembered a hero. I have one friend left, just broke up with my girlfriend (now im regretting it) of 2 years who i wanted to marry and make a family with, and my only hope in life is that I can transfer from my community college to a very prestigeous one and start my life over, or at least justify it with accomplishment.
Category General Confession

advice from Guest824085 | 12-06-2006 18:02 | E : 0 | S : 0
There is other things that you can do such as volunteer, peace corps etc.

There is a lot of ugly in the world and you are obviously very sympathetic for this woman. You were only 13 - you were also a victim of this crime and your reaction is common - often the raped also pretend that it never happened.

I don't think you need medication - you need to come to terms with your role in this crime (victim) so that you can shift some of the baggage and open yourself up to experience happiness again.
ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE

advice from Guest1777497 | 01-03-2007 23:03 | E : 0 | S : 0
Dude, as soon as you do get to that prestigous university - you will be able to turn everything around. It's something to look forward too man.
ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE