Sex

(bet that got your attention) My secret is that the jokes are true, that your sex life suffers immensely once you get married. (guess it ain't much of a secret then) However, I now find myself keeping the secret of being married to a woman who I feel no longer sees me or herself as sexual beings, and I am dissatisfied, not only in the lack of intimacy, but also in my own selfishness to weight sexual activity so much over the true love, caring and compassion I feel towards my wife.

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advice from Guest2932691 | 04-20-2007 09:40 | E : 4 | S : 1
Look, I'm sorry but I was told that sex was the ultimate expression of love. So in my opinion a healthy and active sex life is crucial to a long and successful marriage. I am extremely disappointed and bitter about what has happened to my sex life post ring. Mind you, it was fine when the diamond was shiny and new, but we're only 5 years into marriage and we're in a stupid pattern: work, seperate tv, home, some golf (me) or shopping (her or both) and occassional theater or netflix. This isn't fun, I'm bored, pissed, and guess what; she has a few hundred dollars worth of lingerie but usually takes off her farmer john thick flannel PJs or Victoria Secrets cotton PJs and says, 'well I'm naked isn't that great.' ... well Ladies, it's not, and we don't like this 'but we had sex last night or two nights ago' ... if you're not up to it, pick up, move out, and get out of the way. We need it more often and it keeps us in better spirits, seriously you release endorphins, etc and just feel better. Relax and be an active partner not a dead F***

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advice from Guest2794726 | 04-07-2007 18:40 | E : 1 | S : 0
buy her the book 'Proper care and feeding of husbands' or maybe of marriage' - that may not be the exact title but its close. There was a followup book that was even better, that really spoke about the pain of men who just wanted to be good husbands, but they too often got sandbagged by women's magazines and the anti-marriage agenda out there, and it was a startling read. I am an old fashioned feminist - I think I can ask for fair treatment without it meaning that men need to be stomped into the ground, and Dr. Laura gets that. Forget everything you've heard about her and get this book, read it and give it to her, and beg her to save your marriage. Your love, caring and compassion will turn to resentment and anger if she continues to shut you out sexually. It should all go together, loving, caring, fun and sex. Good luck.
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advice from Guest2844135 | 04-21-2007 02:52 | E : 1 | S : 0
I understand where you are coming from.
If a husband demands it everyday that's clearly selfish. You are not selfish to feel resentful of extremely infrequent love making. Many women lose their libido when they are under stress or are not feeling good about themselves; however, it would take so little effort to show that they gave a damn about us.
When the days turn to months and you do everything possible to set the mood, every opportunity lost reinforces the feeling that she takes you forgranted. It is sad, but you start to doubt her when she says "I love you."

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advice from Guest2963403 | 04-23-2007 02:43 | E : 1 | S : 0
i am in a similar position however i am the woman. We are not even married and my sex drive has just disapeared. I wish i could find it and please my husband to be. I want to want sex but i just dont! I feel awful and try and initiate sex however he knows that i am not really into it and says he does not want it. I love him more than anything in the world and i dont know what to do. i know i have not offered you any advice but i thought you might like a womans insite to this kind of situation.

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advice from Guest3009766 | 04-29-2007 18:25 | E : 1 | S : 0
hmm sounds like something is wrong here.. My husband and I have been married 18 years and we still have hot sex all the time.. if anything sex is better.. but he makes me feel attractive and sexy and i make him feel the same way.. we have never called each other mean names and always work things out right away..never let things escalate.. this causes bad feelings.. My hubby and i believe postive thinking and words create a great marriage. Marriage is hard work!! Work on it!!

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advice from Guest886884 | 09-07-2007 03:04 | E : 1 | S : 0
Crap, I feel so bad that I don't want to have sex anymore.....I don't know how to fix it. I'm sorry for my husband, but he doesn't seem to want to exert any energy towards changing the situation, and it pisses me off. O yeah, let's have sex, when he's ready, and now I'm resentful towards him. Yeah we have separate tv.s seperate friends, seperate schedules............it SUCKS So why does your wife resent you?
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advice from Guest2977623 | 04-24-2007 10:53 | E : 2 | S : 2
To the woman that just doesn't seem to want it. I read your statement and the fact you can clearly recognize the issue and discuss it makes me think that it could be something chemical that you're either getting too much of or not enough of. I don't want to sound like a drug pusher but maybe just do some natural 'happy foods' like salmon, choclate, soy beans, blue berries, etc ... see if your mood lightens and the drive increases - good luck!

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advice from Guest3023175 | 04-29-2007 12:49 | E : 1 | S : 1
Mate, simple answer...don't get married! or get ureself a mistress. love love x x

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advice from Guest3313146 | 07-01-2007 23:46 | E : 0 | S : 0
First, make sure you're doing the things you used to do to make her hot. And not just in bed. Are you helping around the house, complimenting her, being considerate? If not, she'll likely harbor some resentment that will show up in the bedroom. Try romancing her - looking good, sweeping her off her feet.

If this does not work, then sit her down and have a frank discussion with her. Tell her you love her and are attracted to her but you're concerned that she doesn't feel the same way. Don't be accusing, be concerned. Good luck.
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advice from Guest1786524 | 12-16-2007 07:28 | E : 0 | S : 0
things do change when you get married. have you changed at all? Do you want to have sex to please her, because you love her, you think she's sexy, or is it just to service your "needs"? A healthy sex life is important to a marriage, maybe you should try counseling. alot of people won't go but alot of people get devoriced too.
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