Wasting time or fulfilling a need

I am in a relationship with a man that I know has no future. Being with him often makes me feel very bad about myself. I find that I do things I don't want to do just to appease him. Often when he is gone I am relieved but quickly I discover myself missing him again. I cannot figure out what benefit I get from this relationship, he seems to have nothing to offer me. Sometimes I feel like I don't care what happens or if the relationship ends yet, I never end it. My relationships are characteristic of the man saying he loves me very early on, which I realize is simply an infatuation. My feelings never equal theirs. I remain in the relationships until they discover how crazy I am and beg to get away from me.
Category Didn't Want To Know - But I Do

advice from Guest1915857 | 12-28-2007 19:16 | E : 2 | S : 0
I was in a relationship with a man who was going nowhere. The only thing he had holding him back from being jobless and homeless was me. He also told me he loved me earlier on in the relationship. My feelings for him never equaled what he felt for me. and I kept feeling sorry for him, eventually I started paying his bills and letting him buy expensive items he couldn't afford and then giving him money for food afterwards. I told myself that he wasn't crazy, and that i was getting something out of it....I wasn't

ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE

advice from Guest1109917 | 10-08-2007 23:14 | E : 1 | S : 0
then im crazy too.
ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE

advice from Guest1907718 | 12-27-2007 19:46 | E : 1 | S : 0
i always want to be with my man also but he pushes me away. i know he needs his space but its so hard to give when i know he'll go out with girls he used or still does have feelings for. i cling on toi this man that i know will never please me and give him whatever he asks for. his grip is so strong i cant break free but i want to and that is what led me to cheat. cheating makes me less crazy but it hurts so much.

ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE

advice from Guest3271948 | 02-01-2008 09:03 | E : 1 | S : 0
You miss him for a reason. Find out what that is.
ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE

advice from Guest2551601 | 03-06-2008 20:35 | E : 1 | S : 0
I know this is non of my business to be discussing but it is something that my whole family is currently discussing: I have a cousin who has been with this guy for about 3 years. The first year they were together, she dropped out of high school so they could live together and pay their apartment. Soon after that he quit his job because he didn't want to drive out of town (which his job required), because he didn't pay insurance for his car. He went about 3 months "looking for a job," he finally found one for $15/hr, but didn't really wanna work and quit the job because he didn't get a raise. This happened about a year and a half ago and he is still "looking for a job." She pays for all the bills, the new apartment (they we're kicked out of the old old cause they couldn't pay rent), for the internet he uses everyday to play his video games, his video games, his clothes and shoes, and whatever else he may need. I think this is great abuse; and we all feel more sorry than anything that she doesn't see it.
ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE

advice from Guest1133866 | 10-13-2007 06:43 | E : 0 | S : 0
ur are alot like me. did u not grow up with a father around? i do this all the time. but most of the time i would leave them, even since my ex fiance left me i have had 2 other guys leave me too without word. sad thing is , is i'm totally hot and guys who have alot going for them selfs. i don't give a change. i like guys below me because it makes me feel better about myself, sick a?

ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE

advice from Guest1051563 | 11-09-2007 04:25 | E : 0 | S : 0
My father was "around" but was an alcoholic and abusive to my mom and brother physically, only emotionally abusive with me. I feel that I often self-sabotage my relationships, pushing them away while trying to draw them near. I feel better when I have a superior edge on my mate although by achieving that I create a void. Since the initial post I have sustained many unfortunate events with said boyfriend although now he contends he sees the error of his ways and has began treating me considerably better. I feel that I love him, on what scale I do not know, yet all of the while I cannot ever see a substantial future for us. He & I are both battling many obstacles in our lives, many which are parallel. We are both alcoholics,have suspended licenses,and are on probation. I ask myself...does misery love company?

ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE

advice from Guest1556350 | 11-25-2007 17:59 | E : 0 | S : 0
I obviously don't know the whole story, but I was in a relationship like that for five years. At first, I really was happy, and then later on I found myself mostly relieved when he was gone, but then missing him as well. I knew from the get-go that he had no future, no ambition, but I thought I had enough for the both of us. But there comes a point where you realize you need to get out. For me it was another man. Someone who treated me so well that I knew it wasn't just a "grass is greener..." thing. It has been years now, and I'm so much happier than I've ever been. You'll find that point too, and it doesn't have to be a person who snaps you out of it. It could be anything. You just need to know your own worth.
ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE

advice from Guest1574135 | 11-27-2007 11:03 | E : 0 | S : 0
I go thru the exact same thing every time.
ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE

advice from Guest1645332 | 12-04-2007 11:19 | E : 0 | S : 0
let these men know the real you from the beggining
ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE

advice from Guest2081913 | 01-15-2008 17:02 | E : 0 | S : 0
I have the exact same feeling..
and I dont know what to do about it..
ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE

advice from Guest2117305 | 01-19-2008 14:39 | E : 0 | S : 0
This perfectly describes me.
ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE

advice from Guest2507884 | 03-01-2008 16:57 | E : 0 | S : 0
im going through the same thing...
ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE

advice from Guest2574324 | 03-09-2008 08:08 | E : 0 | S : 0
You need to figure out if you really love the person, because if you do then you have to realize that some people arent "losers" theyre just lacking direction. For a man, you have spell it right out for them, that youre interested in someone with ambitions of their own. They dont get "hints" or "nudges" but are much more direct and need to be clearly told whats up. If you really love the person, helping them means helping them to become their best. If you can see doing that, that is love. If you cant, either its not love, or youre the type of person who wants to just be in the passenger seat, which is fine, but you have to be honest about who you are. If you can see loving the same person if they had money, Ive often seen this as being somewhat materialistic, some of my friends wouldnt help their men if their lives depended on it, because they mainly want to be taken care of, but wont admit that. My parents married when my father was broke and my mother helped him pay for school, years later he was making almost twice as much as her, but never would have got there without her financial help, emotional support, and her both pushing and bothering him to do it. Thats love. People who just want their significant other to simply "be what they want" arent worth any more than the person theyre calling a "loser." It all depends on if you really love them, because if you do, next step is clearly spelling out what has to happen eventually...
ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE

advice from Guest1499988 | 11-19-2007 21:43 | E : 0 | S : 1
It's hard to realise what you've got until its gone
ELEVATE THIS ADVICE SINK THIS ADVICE