why me?

when i was 11 my grandfather molested me. and it took a while to sink in what really happend. it sent me spiraling into depression and self-loathe. i started cutting and winded up in a mental hospital. no amount of drugs or therepy ever took away the pain. everyday was a struggle. i pretended i was fine because it hurt my family so much. i said i stopped cutting but it was a lie. i just got creative. one day i woke up and said it was time to let go. he stole 5 years of my life and ill never get that time back. ive stopped cutting except for an occasion slip up and even though im trying to let go i can never forget. the ups and downs are still tough. ive got the scars to show for it. i still wonder why me. why did i seem so disposable to him ill never forget what he said "dont tell anyone because ill get in trouble." all he thought about was himself. one day i want to get the courage to ask him why. but i dont no if that day will ever come.
Category Betrayal

advice from Guest1553989 | 11-25-2007 12:27 | E : 1 | S : 0
He's a disgusting psycopath. You are a wonderful person who happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time and that is not your fault. That pig has probably done that before. You are right that you do have to live your life and move forward but you can survive this, hon. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you through this. I am so sorry that this happened to you because you did not deserve this. Do not hate yourself because somebody else is sick and demented. There are good people in this world too. He is sick and twisted and his time will come. There is a judgement day for everyone. Hang in there, sweetie. Maybe one day you will be able to help others get through something like this too as you grow and learn. God bless you.
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advice from Guest2224479 | 01-31-2008 15:16 | E : 1 | S : 0
You are such a corageous person for stepping above what he did to you. I am behind you 100% of confronting him. It may not be the closure you need, but it may make him think twice before doing it to another family member. =) Stay strong!
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advice from Guest2320482 | 02-11-2008 16:34 | E : 1 | S : 0
I have the same problem sorta so I can get what your saying. My cousin would touch me in places he shouldn't of touched me in when I was little. He was about 14-15 when I was about 6-8. At the time I didnt know it was bad but now Im 16 turning 17 and it really doesn't bother me much but I know in the future it will turn back to me and hurt me.Ive never spoken to him about it.Ive only told one person about it which was my current ex.I think if you go to your grandfather and talk about it things will start to get better atleast you would understand why he did it because its not only hurting you its also hurting him because Im sure his regretting the things he have done to you and maybe he's in the same position as you.He might want to talk about it but fines it hard how to bring it up.
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advice from Guest2367605 | 02-17-2008 05:40 | E : 1 | S : 0
Just deciding to take back your life is the most amazing thing possible. I admire you so much for having more courage than I've been able to come up with.
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advice from Guest2370075 | 02-17-2008 14:01 | E : 1 | S : 0
I know how that goes. My grandpa did that to me from the time I was 3 until I was 11 and once I finally got up the courage to tell my mom, she confronted him, he denied it and she let it go. He stopped at least but the fact that my parents just let it drop and I guess thought I was lying or something? sent me into depression as well. With other stuff going on, I tried to kill myself, at eleven years old. I'm so glad I didnt go through with it. Life got better. I am happy now. I forgave my parents and my grandpa for the problems they caused me, even though I never told anyone about my suicide attempt or depression. I will never forget but its ok now. I love you, I finally know I am not alone. Thank you. :)
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advice from Guest2381488 | 02-18-2008 21:57 | E : 1 | S : 0
I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through, what you are still going through. There are no words I can say to make it better. I do not understand the question "why". What answer would satisfy that question for you? Sometimes, there is no why, none that would ease the pain. If you can let go of the need to know why, the need to be satisfied with something from him--revenge, an apology, a why--then you will be able to start healing yourself. You are worth it. Concentrate on yourself, not on him. The time is much better spent that way. With peace and love to you, Sunnie.

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advice from Guest3271948 | 02-01-2008 08:20 | E : 0 | S : 0
Some people just take what they want from people and then discard them They feel a sense of misguided entitlement. You did nothing to deserve this and he probably feels that way about everyone, that they are all disposable for his personal gain. Be strong. You're on the right track.
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